Men spend a LOT of time talking about girls and how to get them. Before a night out, we discuss our “battle plans” like generals standing over a war plan.
We are scared shitless
“Dude, (insert girls name here) is for sure trying to get.”
“You gonna hit that bro?”
Both of these are common phrases we say to each-other when trying to decrypt that “want to hang out?” text you were probably nervous to send in the first place. What a lot of girls don’t understand is that nine out of ten times, we are more nervous than you are. No matter how great your hair, how pronounced your six pack or how high your body count is, almost every guy sees that one special girl (the one he’s genuinely into) as a goddess who was generous enough to give him her number.
If relationships – or hookups – were a car, the girl would be the one at the wheel, no matter how confident we seem.
Don’t feel awkward about asking or telling us anything
Having a crush on a girl is like a drug– we really crave the next hit. While the first stage of having a crush is physical attraction, slowly getting to know someone you are interested in is on the same level of reading a book you just can’t seem to put down.
As we learn more and become more interested, our gruff exterior fades away. If the posturing we put on around the bros slips away, chances are we really like you.
My girlfriend thought I was an asshole before she asked me out. By the third date she learned I was still kind of an asshole, but I also had a soft side.
That is your mission. If you want to be in a relationship with a guy, you need to break us down like a sledge hammer to a wall. The best way to do that is to be honest and direct. 90 percent of men can’t tell what you want from vague text messages, we probably can’t even tell if you find us attractive.
No matter how awkward saying “I like you” may seem, hearing it feels like a train of good news blasting your brain 3000 feet into the air. We get sweaty, have to hold in our farts and try not to react like a complete idiot. We usually do a pretty bad job on the last one.
The first few days after that kind of news is a roller coaster. We have to cut off our “meh” Tinder matches and explain to the bros why we are ditching the hookup lifestyle for monogamy.
What to do if we don’t want to commit
There are some pretty easy ways to tell if we are not interested. A lot of hints are the same as girls. Not responding to texts, canceling dates, one word replies and saying we are going to hang out with other girls are pretty obvious ones.
If you like a guy and he shows these signs, give up. It is really hard, if not impossible to change our opinion enough for us to give you the attention you deserve. If you like a guy who is already in a relationship, the worst thing you can do is nuzzle up as one of our friends. If anything, wait for the relationship to end, and ask him if he wants to hangout and watch a movie.
If he says yes, you make it to the starting line. Now all you have to do is run like hell, because that’s what it feels like when you have feelings for multiple girls. It’s as if they are running a race to your heart.