While growing up as a child we tend to view the world around us as our own personal playground, an adventure for the taking. In most cases, we grow up living a somewhat carefree life. Too young to worry or think about getting a career, a diploma from a University, debt, or death. When you were a child all of these concepts were just “adult talk,” meant for some far time off down the road when you’re “older.”
The unfortunate part of growing up is that nobody will ever be fully prepared to face these adulthood tragedies when they finally do hit and the carefree shield of bliss is shattered. When this does happen for the first time it feels like getting hit by a brick wall. You get wretched up and out of your sandbox and thrown into the harsh, glaring sunlight of adulthood. Most of these elements that make up an average adults life, a career, schooling, raising a family, are skills and concepts that are easily learned in time. Death however, is a fact of life that no matter what age you are is never an easy event to deal with.
I learned this harsh reality over Halloween weekend. Within a mere few days of each other I lost two friends from my hometown. Both were very bright, intelligent, creative young men who had so much more to live for and accomplish with their lives, but their time was tragically cut short. I was dumbstruck and heartbroken when I learned of the tragic news.
Within a short span of three days I had lost two friends. Even as I write this article reflecting on the experience now I still can’t even comprehend that this has in fact happened. I had gone to high school with Kyle Harvey for four years, and would regularly hang out with him outside of school. I had worked at McDonald’s with Jake McConnell for several summers and always had good conversation with him every day when I was in at work. These two guys who I used to regularly see around town when I was growing up and during the summers, that I would hang out with and see regularly are now gone. I will never get to converse, or joke with them again. That is a strange empty feeling that probably will never entirely go away.
This realization I feel is the hardest for people who have lost someone to cope with. The thought that, “If only I had more time. If only I had hung out with them more. If only we had fought less. If only I had called more.” We beat ourselves up over what could have been, or for the time that we could have spent with the person. We more often tend to do this instead of remembering and appreciating the time that was had. We sometimes as human beings take time for granted. Always thinking well there’s always tomorrow, when in reality we never truly know when our time will run out.
Unlike a sporting event where the clock is set to a fixed start and end time, life has no stop watch. This I feel is the hardest concept to deal with emotionally as a human being when going through the grieving period. When I had lost my Grandfather in 8th grade is when I first experienced that feeling of a hopelessness, and loss. I beat myself up, always thinking if only I had called more, if only I had visited more, I wish I could have done MORE. I for years beat myself up over taking time for granted and wishing for more, instead of simply appreciating the time that was spent with him while he was alive.
I will miss these two friends dearly, as will many others. The important thing to remember however is to not worry about what could have been or what more you could have done, but to appreciate the time that you did have. There will always be some feeling of regret for wanting to have spent more time with a loved one while they were here.
Life and time however will continue to move forward with a tumultuous pattern of highs and lows. There is no consistency to it. The only thing we can do is ride the wave out, and appreciate those who have made an impact on our lives, and for the precious amount of time that we each our given here on this earth.
Written in Memory of Kyle Harvey, Jake McConnell and to all those who have lost someone loved. Your memory will live on in all of us and in those whose lives you had touched along the way, rest in peace.