So I wouldn’t say I’m all grinch, but I hate, Hate, HATE Christmas music with a burning passion. NO EXCEPTIONS. So I was disgusted to learn that Hobby Lobby, one of my new found favorite stores, has begun blaring Christmas music throughout the store every day now, polluting my brain as I try to shop with some stupid holiday “favorite” stuck in my head.
I just don’t particularly care for the fact that for nearly eight weeks before Christmas Day the same 20 songs are in constant rotation everywhere I go. All of the popular songs were written between the years 1930 and 1970, so we have literally been listening to the same songs for 83 years.
Actually, it isn’t just me that feels this way. A 2011 Consumer Reports poll found that almost 25 percent of Americans picked seasonal music as one of the most dreaded aspects of the holiday season, ranking just behind “seeing certain relatives.”
Christmas music has completely took over the month of December and November, and apparently the last few weeks of October as well. Songs like the moronic “Jingle Bell Rock,” the less-than-funny “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” the aggravating “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and the prison torture theme song “All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)” really don’t deserve to be taking up my iphone storage.
Most Christmas songs are all about this fake brand of happiness that people blindly get on board with. This super-happy tone is just not realistic and it can get annoying VERY quickly. I would gladly destroy every Christmas song sung by a child or an adult posing as a child. I’m looking at you “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”
Every holiday season the retail world—as well as radio stations, restaurants, and local city councils—conveniently forget that not everybody in America is a Christian or a celebrator of Christmas. The whole Santa and elves thing really has nothing to do with Jesus, so they take this as their opportunity to put up gigantic city displays and pump out Christmas music in public spaces.
Not only is Christmas music repetitive, some of it is rather uncomfortable. “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” hints at a man drugging his female friends beverage – “Say, what’s in this drink?” What exactly is cheery about that? Nothing, it’s just creepy and also inappropriate.
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” Since young Santa believers don’t know – or care – about the real story in this song, they happily sing along with the catchy tune. But can we actually take a look at the lyrics. Not only does this song reference “Mommy” tickling Santa – which is weird – but it also tells the story of Santa kissing a married woman. Red flag.
A final thing, Christmas music is genuinely boring. The instrumentals suck and people are just tricked into thinking it’s good by the sweet serendipity of sleigh bells. The lyrics are also particularly drab. I think people stop listening after the 26th because, secretly, they are as annoyed with outdated carols as I am.