A letter I wrote to future me:
Dear Liv,
I know you’re probably stressed, but I hope you’ve enjoyed your first year. I hope you’ve worked through your self doubt and anxiety and made friends. I hope you partied, but not too hard. I hope you experienced new things and truly did change. I want you to be your best self and I hope this year was one step closer to achieving that. I hope you grew in the arts and truly enjoyed your studies. But if you didn’t, I am glad you are one step closer to finding your passion. If you feel you have not changed, you’re unhappy, and/or lost just know that I am still proud of you for all you have done. Just be unapologetically you, Liv. Also, I hope everyone is calling you liv.
Love, Liv
I genuinely forgot that I wrote this to myself. We received emails from the office of student involvement saying it was time to pick up the letters we wrote ourselves. I was honestly both very excited, but anxious to read it. I had no fucking clue what I had written. What if I had predicted my life would go exactly one way and I had disappointed past Liv, which tbh a big fear of mine is that my younger self would not like who I am today. What if I expected myself to have a boyfriend and to be running an art museum by now?
Reading it though made my day, and sort of my semester. I became very reflective on if I am on the right track and overall how I have changed and grown through the last year. I can honestly say that my first year was the weirdest and best thing that could have happened to me. Last year I would probably have panic attacks or depressive episodes biweekly, probably partied a little too hard (sorry mom), and felt a little lost at times. I did also add a business law as a minor to expand my knowledge, I got involved in student government leading me to the position I am today (also in other clubs including the amazing her campus), and really constantly pushed my introverted self to put myself out there and try new things. There was a mix of good and bad and overall challenges I had to handle my first year and honestly I am so grateful for everything that happened. All of it made me the person I am today and I do feel I am one step closer to becoming my best self.
I have been able to continue challenging myself and really branching out into this year. Over the summer I finally got the tattoos I have been DYING to get, I tried glass blowing, I went to an aerial workout class, and I will be going to Germany this spring break aka leaving the country for the first time ever. Some of these things may seem little, but I am trying to focus more on doing things I actually want to do and these are all things I never expected I would do. One of the biggest things that held me back would be my anxiety and whether or not people would go with me to do these things. Now I may have been with people for these specific activities, but I am realizing that if I want to do something, whether or not someone is there with me, I should just do it. Either way I am pushing myself to get out there and try new things.
After reading this letter and reflecting over my life, I can truly tell past Liv that I really have grown in this past year. Yes I am stressed and I still struggle with my mental health at times, but so much has changed for me and I am continuing to grow. I expect that I will keep growing and changing, but I cannot wait what is still in store for me. Even if the change is as little as people calling me Liv instead of Olivia.