I would like to issue an official apology statement.
This week, it was announced that boat shoe-wearing Vampire Weekend man Ezra Koenig and beautiful tropical fish Rashida Jones welcomed a baby son named Isaiah on Wednesday, August 22 at 8:36 a.m. in Los Angeles. (I’m not a creep. People has the birth certificate.)
On September 6, 2018 at 9:42 p.m. in Indianapolis, I published the article “To All the (Famous) Boys* I’ve Loved Before” (an instant classic) and openly thirsted over Big Ezzy.
How could I have been so disruptive when he is a new father with a very small baby? How could I have posted such a thirsty gif of him during the first month of his son’s life? How could I have disrespected Queen Rashida like this?
“But Kait,” you ask, “Aren’t Paul Rudd and Donald Glover from your list also fathers? Didn’t you deliberately refer to Andy Samberg as a ‘hot dad?’’
Yes, I did. But it just felt wrong for a few minutes.
Here is every wise and desire I project onto the idea of baby Isaiah Jones-Koenig. (Yeah yeah, like we don’t all do this with every single baby ever created.)
-
He will be a musical man.
His dad gave us “A-Punk” (the first song on everyone’s iTunes “Songs” list) and his grandfather is QUINCY GODDAMN JONES. He gave us Michael Jackson. Isaiah’s gonna be a heavy hitter.
-
He will own some quality sweaters.
Back in my aforementioned Tumblr bandom days, I was part of a community very fascinated with a sweater Ezra wore dubbed the “Irish fisherman sweater.”
Also this one with dogs on it.
So yeah. Baby sweaters.
-
He will stick up for what’s right.
Rashida speaks up about Time’s Up and other women’s movements all the time. Also refugees. Ezra was a Bernie Sanders stan. (Agree or not with Bernie’s politics, the guy stuck up for social justice movements.) That kid will be raised respectfully.
-
He will be really really ridiculously good-looking.
Look at these people. It isn’t fair.
And here’s one more thirst gif of Hot Dad Ezra for good measure.