As I finish up my freshman year of college, I have come to one conclusion: We are surrounded by situationship propaganda. Whether it be our peers who encourage a quick succession of romantic partners, or the horror stories we read online filled with exaggerations of a summer fling; it is all around us. However, I feel as if the most prevalent push for this term is in fact media itself. Netflix’s adaptation of The People We Meet On Vacation, originally written by author Emily Henry, was marketed as a summer love story. As someone who loves summer rom-com’s, this seemed like the perfect watch. Now, a whole 24 hours after watching what should have been marketed as a horror film, I have realized critics were terribly wrong. Acknowledging that most film adaptations are as a whole worse than the book, and while that could 100% be the cause here, unless they changed the entire plot of it, my point still stands. To give you a short synopsis, our main characters Poppy and Alex meet during their college years. They become fast friends after trials and tribulations and vow that every summer in order to get a break from their adult lives, they will take a vacation. You watch as each summer they take these grand trips and cannot help but notice that they are falling in love. Years later, for unknown reasons, they suddenly stop speaking. It is not until Poppy switches her destination for her travel journalism job at the last minute (so she can attend Alex’s brother’s wedding) that she sees her best friend again. You get an insightful view into the present, where Poppy and Alex are not as comfortable as they once were, but with time they finally figure out that they are just in love.
Now this is a very broad summary and I highly recommend you watch it to gain a better grasp of what I am getting at here, but I have purposefully left out one vital piece of information: not only are Alex and Poppy falling in love with every vacation they go on, but Alex is in an ongoing on and off relationship the entire time. Alex and his girlfriend, Sarah, are not consistent, and it is always a question as to whether they are together or on a break. What is consistent is Sarah being wedged in-between Poppy and Alex’s relationship every summer. Now you will not understand the horrors of this film until I mention the end of the movie. The movie begins its conclusion by revealing why Poppy and Alex have not spoken in so long. It cuts to them in Tuscany with their respective partners (at this time in the movie, Poppy has a boyfriend). Poppy had almost (very much so) kissed Alex while his girlfriend (and her boyfriend) were inside the house. In a fit of shock, she yells that it was a mistake. Alex storms off and then returns with Sarah, his now fiancée. You could imagine my shock as these two characters stepped on screen. Now this? This is what everyone was raving about? I was honestly at a loss for words; I am sure you can see why (or at least I hope).
This portrayal of situationship propaganda is honestly one of the least detrimental compared to others. Examples like Hulu’s hit TV show, Tell Me Lies, have equally added to this issue. In the 2020’s, people seem to have left the idea of a monogamous relationship behind and in turn, have replaced it with something else. The media has spread the idea that if you wait long enough and endure enough, then one day that person, who could not commit to you before, will now. Growing adults then take these ideas and implicate it into their romantic lives. What all these movies fail to mention, though, is that love is not always sunshine and rainbows. In reality, it is a mixture of the values and morals you demonstrate for yourself. Leading to most thinking they have the romance of Poppy and Alex, while in most cases, they easily relate to Sarah. Now, in no way, shape, or form is this to bash a certain gender. I am here to show you that “silly” romance movies like these are causing more harm than they may intend.
As women’s rights decrease and as incel culture is on the rise, media such as these movies give the opposite effect. While something like The People We Meet On Vacation is silly and fun, the undertones fuel the changes we are seeing in society, all beginning in the media. Women being used as “stepping stones” or “pawns” is something heavily implied within incel spaces. The idea that we are objects to be used, whether it be as a backup plan or for sexual fantasies, is growing by the day. Shows like Tell Me Lies have showcased just how much and how far these ideas can impact the lives of others. The main character, Stephen, clearly uses women for his own personal gratification and disregards the effects on them. Now I know, you are asking, “Is this a reach?” But it is not until you add up the numbers of people who degrade romantic partners, especially women within media, simply to highlight a “situationship turned love story”, that you realize it is not. It all starts with what we see on TV. A rom-com can easily turn into an incel problem. You can blink, and suddenly, a heartbreak can lead to murder.
It is showing us what is deemed “normal” in our society; it is publishing the idea that a situation like Alex and Sarah is normal. That Stephen and Lucy are normal. But normal is not always good. It is expanding on the notion that in order to love someone, you must, in turn, use a stepping stone to get there. Because who is going to teach you how to be a better person for “the one” if not the person who has dragged you along for years? The media has always influenced the youth, but now it seems it is doing more harm than one realizes. It is leading to a virus that we coin as situationships. From one person to the next, this virus latches onto your subconscious as you experience another heartbreak. It is normalizing playing on emotions and forgetting what an impact human connection has on one another. It is showcasing to the world that dating is simply using someone until your special someone comes along.