As the weather gets colder and houses become covered in lights, I have noticed more and more people (specifically girls) talk about their desire for a relationship to develop just in time for the holidays. After keeping track of all of the times my friends and I have complained about not having a significant other in order to feel fulfilled in some aspect of our lives, I have realized how comments about feeling lonely are much more political and revealing than we think.Â
This is an idea that has been known for hundreds of years, and is in no way radical or shocking, but in this day in age, the thing every woman is still taught that will bring ultimate fulfillment to their lives is a relationship with a man. It is engrained in our minds from a young age. The girl friends we make when we are little are constantly referred to as “our future bridesmaids” or the potential godparents to our children. We cannot just have special, youthful friendships with other girls without them relating to our future lives that we are supposed to build with our potential, hypothetical husbands. Even teenage rebellion for girls is expected to involve hiding escapades or relationships with boys. In the 2020s, it is still difficult to find a circumstance where others in our lives are not finding a way to project these inherent expectations of potentially being a girlfriend or a wife.Â
Looking away from this more broad conversation about misogyny in our lives growing up, the holidays in general have evolved into a time with expectations to find love. As children, it was a time for excitement about receiving gifts and eating great food – it still is, but as a teenager into young adulthood, there has been a newfound standard to spend the colder weather months and end the year with a partner. The level of commitment may vary, but all that matters is that you are not lonely, right? The colder seasons have become a time for people to start locking down the people they are not actually that interested in in order to try to feel a little less lonely. Some of this stems from all the films and songs revolving around love being in the air and Christmas magic uniting people, but I believe it is only worsened, specifically for women, from this constant rhetoric we were fed growing up that tells us that having a relationship with a man is the most rewarding thing we could achieve.Â
I truly fell victim to this feeling last year right before Thanksgiving. My friends held a “Friendsgiving”, and there was a point in the night where some of their boyfriends came by to visit us. I was happy to have more people to hang out with, but I could not help but feel extremely lonely as one of the only girls who had not had any romantic situation with a guy that semester. It was my first holiday season single in a couple years, and I felt like I immediately needed to launch into a new relationship just to fill the void. It did not help hearing people both on social media and real life talk about getting into a relationship the same way they discuss running the marathon or hitting their yearly Goodreads goal. Just like how I felt as a young girl whose hypothetical wedding was already being planned and discussed, I thought my worth was tied to whether or not I had a boyfriend. I started panicking about coming home from break, and all my friends being in new relationships and once again, I would be an outlier. I thought it would be a negative reflection of my semester, despite the fact that I have succeeded in every other way.Â
Looking back nearly a year later, I realize how silly I was to get so upset about this. I had a great time with my friends that night, regardless of whether or not there was an annoying man blowing up my phone. In fact, the times where I have felt the least lonely this past year were not when I was on a date, but when I was staying in and hanging out with my friends. Even if those friends spent time talking about new crushes or new relationships, I realized I would never feel lonely as long as I had them.Â
It sounds so stupid and cliche to hear “you do not need a man”, especially in 2026. The truth is, though, that misogynistic and heteronormative narratives simply evolve depending on what point of your life you are at, but they never actually disappear. To combat the mentality I had before, ending the year off single is in no way a failure. Relationships are fostered with the natural ebb and flow of life, they are something that truly cannot be successfully forced. Â
Holidays are an opportunity to spend time with your family. Breaks from school are the time to hang out and catch up with your friends. While this may be toughest during the upcoming months, this mentality is important to have all year round. You will always regret making decisions based on what you are told to do rather than what you actually want.
