For a long time I felt super unhappy. I was in a bad relationship, I mentally was exhausted, and I just felt insecure. Overall I just wasn’t happy. I always expected bad things to happen after everything somewhat good in life. I knew this was just life. You’ll have some good days and you’ll have some bad days. I never fully embraced those good days because I knew bad days were ahead.
I finally was able to get out of my toxic relationship and I did feel genuinely happy for once. I felt like I can breathe and I wasn’t exhausted all the time. I took care of my appearance more, I hung out with my friends more and I let life happen for once. I couldn’t shake off the feeling I had in the back of my mind though. I couldn’t tell what that feeling was, but I knew it was stopping me from being too happy.
Guilt
I didn’t realize it was guilt until I was telling my close friend about the problem. He told me that I blame myself for bad things happening because I focused too much on the fact bad things happened. I never wanted to be too happy because then there would be a wave of negative energy to come and it was my fault because I enjoyed myself too much and there would be an equal balance in life.
The fact is bad things will happen to everyone. It doesn’t matter if you do everything in the world right because you can’t stop things from happening. This is not to sound negative, but it is inevitable and we can’t blame ourselves for something we have no control over.
I had to accept that and once I did my life did a 180. I embraced feeling good for once. I felt genuinely happy and didn’t worry about what was to come because life is too short to continuously lookn at our future. For once I stayed in the present and I knew at the moment I was living my best self.
I learned to take every day by itself. Don’t keep looking for something that has yet to happen.