“You’re pretty….for a big girl.”, “Sweetie, can’t you just see how much prettier you’d be if you lost 20lbs?”, “Damn, she’s a thick b****.”, “I’d go for her but….she’s just too thick.”, “I only go for the big one because she’s chubby so that means she’s easy.”. All of these things, among many more, have been said to me throughout my entire life. To those of you that have picked on men and women for being curvy, thick, and voluptuous you might want to excuse yourself from reading this article because I have a feeling that you will see nothing wrong with your behavior.
I’ve never been the skinny girl. Please note, there’s nothing wrong with being skinny and some people genuinely struggle to gain weight. However, I am someone who’s always had extra meat on their bones. I sit roughly around a size 14, which is the size of the average American woman. I have curves for sure and it’s one of the most talked about things regarding my appearance. Most people would consider me to be fat or even obese. I consider myself to be unique and beautiful. Nothing wrong with any of those general adjectives however, there is something that is wrong with the context in which they’re used.
The words that come out of our mouths are just words until we add in context, tone, and mood. Fat, it’s not a bad word until someone uses it in a negative way to make a person feel poorly about themselves. Chubby, it’s an apt word until you use it to shame someone for being bigger than you. The words that we carry have an immense impact on the way we use them and we let them go so freely, like butterflies fleeing their cocoon. We let them slip so casually while they slice and dice the people around us until we’ve become so consumed by such simple terms that they begin to define how we see ourselves. I grew up with very blunt people in my life. They made sure to inform me that even when I wore a size 6, that I was a big girl. They made sure that every time I went to eat in front of friends and family I was stared at and asked “You sure you really need that?”. These simple statements have carried such an impact into my young adulthood that I am almost thrown into a full blown panic attack when I am forced to eat in front of people that I am unfamiliar with. I used to excuse myself midway through every meal because I’d get so nervous I’d be sick in the bathroom. It’s not fair to those of us who carry more weight to constantly feel judged, watched, and uncomfortable in their own skin.
Instead of opening your mouth to give someone your unwanted opinion, open your ears. Lift up those who are insecure and hold them close. The people who are the most insecure battle themselves everyday. Open your mind and open your heart and don’t ever tell someone they’re the “Big Girl”. Be mindful of the language you use and be aware of the lives you impact.