I, like many avid HBO users, have been tuning in every Thursday to watch the weekly release of The Pitt season 2. As usual, the show has me reflecting upon the conflicts that the complex characters in the show have faced, but one stood out to me in particular. In a recent episode, one of the main characters, Mel, experienced a confrontation with her sister regarding both their relationship, but more evidently, her sister’s neurodivergence. Becca, Mel’s sister, has high-support autism, with Mel being her legal guardian. Becca resides at a supportive care living facility since her sister has a full-time job. She ends up having to go to her sister’s place of work, the Pittsburgh emergency room, due to contracting a UTI from sexual intercourse with her boyfriend. When Mel finds out that her sister is having sex, she is completely shocked. She constantly asks Becca if she was taken advantage of or coerced, but is surprised when Becca explains that it was actually something she initiated because she is in a serious relationship. There is a lot of complexity to Mel’s reaction: her and her sister are best friends and tell each other everything, and she worries about there being a growing amount of distance between her and Becca. However, much of this reaction I found to be rooted in the common and problematic notion that neurodivergent people are unable to navigate intimate relationships or feel sexual desire.
This moment from the series surprised me because it is so rare that this bias is addressed. So many people do not realize that this bias applies to them or that it is harmful, including those who have a lot of neurodivergent people in their life. It connects to other circumstances beyond intimacy: parents not letting their neurodivergent children choose what they would like to eat, or strangers speaking to grown adults as if they are children. This behavior is not just harmful because it is disrespectful, but also because it makes it more challenging for these individuals to fulfill a more independent life because everyone around them doubts their capabilities.
Many people’s perceptions of any group of individuals is heavily shaped by their representation in the media. Neurodivergent people especially have had a complicated history with this, because there has been very little variation in their portrayals. Many of these characters are, as mentioned before, infantilized, or are gifted with some miraculous ability, which is not accurate. It has become a common habit for neurodivergent consumers of media to “headcanon” characters as also not being neurotypical, because it creates a connection that actual representation lacks. For so long, canonical neurodivergence has barely been highlighted in any media, let alone romance. These characters are usually slipped into the background without containing any complexity. In the context of intimacy, it is more appealing to try and see your own traits in a character that is viewed as desirable and attractive, even if they are canonically neurotypical. The lack of healthy portrayals only make neurodivergent people feel as though they have to mask their traits even further, because with them, they fear it will turn others away.
In the past few years or so, there has been more mainstream media surrounding neurodivergent people’s autonomy and romantic lives. If you have a mother as obsessed with reality television as mine, then Love on the Spectrum may come to your mind. The show is exactly as it sounds: it follows several autistic individuals as they navigate love and relationships. In researching the show’s reception from autistic viewers, I have found there to be a mix in thoughts regarding it as representation. A lot of viewers related to the cast and appreciated their openness about not just dating but also their general life experiences as autistic people. However, some found it to come across as exploitative and edited in a way that infantilizes the cast. It is also worth noting that the cast is not very diverse, containing mostly white people, which promotes an image of the autistic community that lacks representation. The show has had the impact of creating discussions about changing expectations of neurodivergent people regarding intimacy and autonomy. It has been appreciated by autistic viewers for giving its cast the opportunity to be open about experiences that many viewers can relate to, and giving a more authentic look into how autism can affect dating and intimacy.
Yes, I am still thinking and talking about Heated Rivalry. I especially want to mention it in this context because it has recently sparked conversations about what fictional neurodivergent representation should look like. The sexual aspects of the show are one of its most talked about things because they are crucial to the development of the central relationship. The two main characters, Shane and Ilya, have a relationship built on sex, with their early encounters being based solely on hookups for a number of years. It is especially important to Shane, because he realizes his attraction to men much later in his life compared to Ilya. Through his sexual experiences in the book and show, he comes to terms with the fact that he is gay. Shane has also been confirmed to be autistic by the author herself, Rachel Reid. His autistic traits were intentionally translated over to the television show, with his actor, Hudson Williams, explaining that he based many of Shane’s behavior off of his own dad who is also on the spectrum. Shane’s representation of autism has been one of the show’s most praised aspects, because he subverts the exact assumption that has been associated with autistic characters and individuals. He is desirable, with a detail in the book explaining that he was ranked as the #1 “Hottest Player” in the hockey league. He is a sexual person, but notably, his autistic traits do not just turn off in those circumstances. He folds his clothes when undressing, complains about dirty bed sheets after intercourse, and enjoys the use of direct language when communicating – all of which were details confirmed by the creators and actors to highlight his neurodivergence. Shane is the epitome of what most neurodivergent representation in media has been lacking. His storyline highlights that neurodivergence is not something that should be masked in order to attract romance.
And now, back to The Pitt. Becca and Mel’s discussion works to specifically call out the exact assumptions that many people make regarding neurodivergent people and their autonomy. Not only does it explore Becca’s decision to enter a relationship and begin having sex, but Mel is also forced to realize why her reaction was harmful. It encapsulates the societal dialogue regarding this particular convention, and emphasizes the importance of listening to neurodivergent voices rather than stepping in on their decisions.