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Why You Should Text Him First

Congrats! You’ve finally scored that hottie’s number after weeks of visiting his frat and looking your best, frequenting the library help desk during his working hours, and occasionally even eating in the Caf because you know he likes the pizza there best. Now, what?

Despite basic laws of feminism among other buzzing words like “female empowerment” and “gender equality” that have supposedly inspired women today to be less submissive and take action toward achieving their goals, most are still too uncomfortable to text a guy first. So although you probably invested more time in getting this guy’s number than in your Calculus II textbook, the results are nearly identical. You’ll most likely stare blankly at his digits like you would your textbook, unsure of what to do next.


It’s the 21st century, ladies—the perfect time to do anything but scroll through your contacts list, passively waiting for him to make the first move. As you lay atop your urban outfitters inspired bed, fighting every urge to shoot him a text, consider this: what do you have to lose?

Sometimes you’ll need to take the driver’s seat and text him first, because if has not reached out to you then you may find yourself in some of these situations:

Sit by your phone and eventually a message will arrive. Drive yourself insane every time your phone buzzes, but then experience great joy when he decides that he has neglected you for long enough and should maintain contact once again. This may set up a dangerous power dynamic in the relationship in which he is the only initiator and has the authority to decide how infrequently and sporadically he should speak to you. The eventual outcome is likely a negative one, and he’s just not worth it.

Sit by your phone and wait for a message that will never come. Drive yourself insane every time your phone buzzes, jumping out of your chair in the East Reading Room to the charging station to check it, but become disappointed, once again, that it was just another email from your TA. Days, even weeks can be wasted holding out hope he’s still interested. When you finally give up on the idea that he will text, you realize that you wasted too much time obsessing over him and you feel stupid and silly, leaving you wanting to eat your weight in Domino’s pizza, beginning another vicious cycle of self-loathing. Don’t. Happily indulge in that pizza and cinna-stix with your best friend and move on because your upcoming Wednesday night out welcomes a myriad of opportunities and even more eligible bachelors.


Here are some solutions to avoid being in the scenarios aforementioned:

Text First. Girls often worry that texting a guy first can come off as over-eager and clingy. Not always. By texting him first, you’ll be showing him that you’re interested, which can cause him to feel more confident in asking you to his next formal, date-party, or just to catch a movie sometime. If he likes you as much as you like him, it won’t matter who texts first.

Text Less. If he’s texting you less frequently, don’t panic. This may be because he feels more stable in the relationship and doesn’t need to be constantly texting to know that you’re still into him and that things are going well. Cheers to that!

A parting word of advice: waiting for him to talk to you may cause you to be setting yourself up for disappointment. Think Nike: “Just do it.”



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