As spring approaches, it is finally time to ditch oversized sweaters and puffy parkas for trendy tank tops and patterned shorts. As exciting as this is, the lack of clothing makes it easier to linger on other’s bodies in scrutiny of our own. I only pay attention to other women’s bodies when I feel insecure about mine. When I feel confident, I spend more time in the present, unaware of the bodies surrounding me. However, when I lack security, my eyes tend to wander, seeking comparison.
For spring break, I vacationed in Sarasota with my closest friends. The trip was a blast; it felt great to rest from my regimented lifestyle and eat and drink however I pleased. While relaxing and freeing at first, I eventually became more and more anxious about my body and what I was consuming. I felt insecure, and upset with myself for feeling insecure. I deserve to eat freely on vacation and I should not feel guilty. Why should I care about my body so much? My size or how I look in clothes is not an indicator of how kind or good of a person I am.
In the midst of this mini crisis, I scrolled through a post on Instagram of an unedited bikini picture captioned, “Remind yourself that the day you were born, your body was a cause for celebration, for love without condition, and that’s just as true today as it was then -Emily Nagoski.” I stopped scrolling and breathed in these words- how badly I had needed them.
Over the summer, I came across an article about Body Positivity vs. Body Neutrality. Most people are familiar with Body Positivity, the belief that one should love and accept their body unconditionally. One should love the cellulite on their legs because it is normal and okay, despite the media’s depiction. Body neutrality, on the other hand, encourages one to view their body for its abilities rather than appearance. One does not have to love the cellulite on their legs, but recognize how their legs allow them to run, rendering the cellulite meaningless.
On my best days, I strive for Body Neutrality. I appreciate my arms because of how many people they have hugged. On my worst days, I cannot see myself in either philosophy. On those days, I have two methods I find helpful. First, I picture my younger self or future daughter. Imagine six year old you skipping dessert in fear of calories. How heartbreaking! She is so beautiful, and must not worry about things like that, she is just a child. Although we are no longer children, we are no less beautiful and deserving of food freedom. Secondly, I think of the qualities I like the most about myself, the ones I would not trade for the world. If someone made a deal with me that I would never worry about my body again, but I would lose my love for literature, I would laugh in their face. After that, I think a little less about my body, and more about my love of reading. As women, we must work to release ourselves from the patriarchal weight that binds our worth to our looks, without feeling guilty about insecurity from time to time. It is a difficult and unfair burden, but one that is shared between many, which I find makes it a little bit easier.