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A Play-By-Play of Your Regrettable Weekend As Told by Every Freshman

4 PMClasses ended on Friday and the future was bright. You told yourself, “I’ll just get some homework done right now. Just a teeny bit. This weekend will be different! I’m not going out!

But you were wrong. Oh so wrong. You sat down, checked Facebook, painted your nails, and cleaned your entire room. All in your pink, silky PJS. And look at the time – I guess there’s no time to do anything productive. Oops! It’s okay. You’ll get up early and work on it all day Saturday, right?

8 PMAt that moment, you get a text from your best friend…

“You’re going out right?”

How can you argue with that logic? She definitely has a point. Okay, she didn’t specifically make a point, but what if you miss something important while she’s out with all your friends!

You headed over to your favorite room on the hall to get ready. It’s March and it’s honestly not going to be that cold tonight, so a skirt seems like a safe bet. Your friends warn you, but there is no way they’re going to convince you to wear Bean Boots out when you know girls across the country are in heels. As if!

11 PMAfter spending an absurd amount of time straightening your hair and doing your makeup, you hear the sound of music coming from the boys’ room next to you. Better go check it out. They’re all going out too! Perfect. Everyone heads out together in a massive blob.

Wow… it’s freezing. No, it’s actually significantly below that. Good thing I’m wearing a skirt and a paper-thin fracket…really smart idea.

Showing up downtown with 20 people has never been a brilliant idea and of course it did not turn out so well this time either. Everyone gets split up and you somehow end up inside with – wait where did everyone go?

MidnightYou see a girl you (sort of) know from some class and are greeted with an enthusiastic “HEY GIRL!!!! I’m SO glad you’re here!!”

She comes over and gives you a great big hug, finishing with accidentally dumping her beer on your head. Thanks, BFF! Your straight hair is now something out of a “before” picture.

1 AMYou start dancing with a guy and after things start getting somewhat steamy, you look up only to realize you know him. You spend a minute pondering whether that is a pro or a con, but before you can make a final conclusion, he’s handing you your jacket.

This is when you have to make some real-world decisions. You can’t leave with him! Or wait, can you? Okay, it’s fine. He’s a nice guy, plus he’s cute. Some random girl gives you a thumbs up. Thanks?

2 AMYou step outside and it’s even colder. That can’t be possible! In an effort to keep warm, you run for cover inside of Vedder. It seems you have lost the boy. Sigh. But, the glow of a familiar friend catches your eye. The Flying Bison seems to almost smile at you, so you can’t say no. Somehow, all of your friends are there and you snag a spot right in the front of the line. However, this leaves you no time to decide between nacho tots, sauced pierogies, or fried mac… so you just get all three! I mean, you’ve been dancing all night and that’s a lot of calories burned, right?

2:30AMYou’re back on your hall. As you stuff your face with a combination of greasy foods, your tipsy friends playfully make fun of you for hooking up with ____. You would be defensive, but you’re exhausted. And your mouth is kind of filled with food. You go to the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror, and realize you look awful. It’s hard to believe you actually applied the makeup to your eyes. Time for bed! You take off all your clothes, leave them in a pile in front of your roommate’s bed and pass out.

11AMYou wake up to about 37 texts from people asking questions you can’t answer, followed by pictures of you that are…umm, less than profile-pic-worthy. (Who knew it was possible to have an open-mouth smile paired with one eye open and one eye closed?) Well, one thing is for sure. You are not going out again tonight.

But then, you receive the fateful text that refuels the vicious cycle:

“Breakfast then super sat, right?”

It’s okay though, because you’re definitely not going out next week.

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