“Let’s have a moment of silence for our comrades in the Friend Zone.”
I am a serial friend zoner; at least that’s what my friends say. I meet a guy, think he’s great, and do something über friendly like give him a high-five or call him “kiddo.” I don’t see anything wrong with high-fiving people and I’m fairly certain I’ve called everyone in my life “kiddo” at one point, sorry about that mom. I suppose I’m not a fan of my identifier because I’m not quite certain I know what the Friend Zone is or if it really exists. I set out to understand the Friend Zone and talked to men and women, alike. Here’s what they had to say:
“The Friend Zone is like being in the Night’s Watch [Game of Thrones reference for 10 points]. You think you’re a badass because you’re going to a specific place only to realize you’re stuck in hell.” – Male
“To care for someone without romantic feelings.” – Female
“The Friend Zone is when you want to move forward in a relationship with someone, but they don’t want to, yet they still want you in their life. You can intentionally put someone in the Friend Zone or you can do it subconsciously. I’ve definitely been in the Friend Zone and I’ve put people in it, as well” – Male
“No romantic and no sexual relationship.” – Female
“Where a lot of people don’t think they’re going, but where they end up. Everyone’s had a run with the Friend Zone.” – Male
“Where dreams go to die.” – Female
“Where you are blocked off from doing activities outside of a friendship, and by activities I mean of the sexual variety.” – Male
So, it seems like Bucknellians do believe in the Friend Zone and its unfortunate reality. So how do you put someone in the Friend Zone? Is there a proper, polite way to do so? How do you know when you’ve been put in the zone? More importantly, can you get out of it? How do you get out of it? Most important, how do you prevent yourself from entering the Friend Zone?
If you’re like me, everyone you have ever met has automatically been put into the Friend Zone. Even if you find someone extremely attractive and relish the thought of them getting into your pants, you treat them as you would your lab partner with the heart of gold and zero sex appeal. STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY. You will forever be alone and it will always be your fault. (I may or may not be bitterly speaking from experience.) In all seriousness, don’t call someone adorable if you’d like to see them naked later on; chances are you will never know what color underwear they wear on Wednesdays if you keep telling them they’re such a good sport for making those late night Sheetz runs with you.
You want to get out of the Friend Zone? Stop being so available. You are not a safety net or a back up. As cliché as this is (and it is disgustingly cliché) don’t make someone your priority when they have only made you an option. Oh, you got a text from your crush asking for a favor? That’s nice. You can’t do it; you’ve already made plans. It doesn’t matter how available your Google calendar says you are. “Something unexpected and very important just came up” and you have to deal with it. We are covetous beings; guys and girls alike want what they can’t have. Making yourself less available will spark some curiosity as to why you haven’t been around as much and who you could possibly be spending time with… Now just wait for the texts to start rolling in.
Not sure if you’re in the Friend Zone? If you are uncertain, you’re probably in it. Let’s be real, if the guy or girl wanted you they would have made a move by now. Unless that guy or girl is like me; in that case you’ve got an entirely different unfortunate situation on your hands: The Oblivious Prospective.
My best friend is a guy. I know; the irony of that statement in this particular article is not lost on me. Regardless, my best friend IS a guy, and as such he makes me aware of how oblivious I am to people flirting with me. On our walks home from the bar he often plays a twisted game in which he’ll tell me how many guys were flirting with me and how I shut them down, but he won’t tell me who they are. According to him, I should “be able to spot them [myself]. What [am I] going to do when [he isn’t] around to do it for me? Be forever alone?” Probably. Or I’ll rescue puppies…lots of them. However, my bestie is on to something; I should be able to pick up on signals. What could be more unfortunate than being in the Friend Zone? Being oblivious. It’s unfortunate for both parties. As horrible as this is, at least with the friend zone one of the people involved is benefitting. When you’re dealing with someone who is oblivious, there is just no hope. Speaking as the oblivious, it’s no fun for us either. You probably were flirting with me and I had no idea and then whined to my friends about how into you I am but how into some other girl you were. My obliviousness, which you took for disinterest, led you to the fluttering eyelashes and excessive giggling of another woman. Readers, if this sounds like you I’m forming a support group soon, just shoot me a quick email.
It’s all so cyclical for me: I’m oblivious to the advances of others, so I accept that we will only be friends thus condemning someone to the Friend Zone without even realizing it. Unfortunate.
If you take away anything from this stream of consciousness disguised as an article take away this: the friend zone is like the time out corner, no one wants to get sent there but sometimes it’s necessary.
XOXO,
Whit.