A Male Guide to Interpreting Girls Text Messages

Let’s get one thing straight here: the advice I’m about to give is for boys who are just getting into a relationship or have been hooking up with a girl for some time, but do not yet know the text lingo she uses. I know some guys or girls might read this article and say “Wait but I say this all the time and I think it’s ok!!” Yeah, I get it. You and your boyfriend are going on your fifth year of dating and text like this all the time! Well, lucky you because you can completely ignore anything I say due to the fact that: 1. I have never had a boyfriend and probably half the advice I am giving is too harsh and realistic for most girls to hear and 2. If you are in a stable relationship then you don’t want to hear the unhealthy tips I am about to give because they will probably cause you to look back at every text conversation you have ever had with your girlfriend and send you into a whirlwind of insecurity and embarrassment. So men, specifically the f**kboys who need this advice the most, let’s take a deep dive into the real meaning behind your girls text messages. And men, you’re welcome for this sage wisdom I am about to share with you…lord knows you need it.

 

1. “Hi”

Let’s start off with the basics. When a girl texts you “hi,” you did something wrong. I don’t care if you think you are the perfect boy that kisses the ground your girl walks on… you are in the doghouse. Truth is, she probably dug up some tea about you and you are going to have to either deny til you die or fess up to your actions. In these situations, the best way to respond is to be overly nice because you know she’s about to drop the hammer.

2. “I’m fine”

Ah, one of the classics. If you do not already know from reading this that she is not fine then you have got a lot to learn. When a girl texts “I’m fine” that means she has probably already texted all of her closest friends ranting about how terrible you have treated her for the past day, week, or even month and now that you have finally asked about how she is doing she has lost all feelings for you. The only way to respond to an “I’m fine” that will make her feel better is by showing up to her door with an Hermes bag or pair of Louboutins.

3. “Lol sure”

Let me preface this by saying any text you receive with a “lol” is terrible. No girl is laughing out loud at your text messages because you probably ain’t that funny. If she actually thinks you’re funny she will say “Hahahaha” always with more than two “Ha”s or if she genuinely is laughing she will say “HAHAH” always in all caps. “Lol sure” means that she’s probably pissed it took you some lengthy amount of time to ask whatever question she is answering with “sure” so give her some more attention to make up for your mistake.

4. “Up to you”

This one is a little bit more tricky and less straightforward. Basically, if a girl says “up to you” when you ask what restaurant to eat at, or what movie to watch, she basically means that she has an idea in her mind already of where she wants to go or what she wants to eat but is looking to see if you get the answer right. Yeah, it’s this fun little game girls love to play to see if the guy knows them well enough to guess her answer, and if you get it right then congrats buddy!

5. “Have fun”

You might as well have just received a message saying “jump off a cliff.” No, she doesn’t want you to have fun whatever you just told her you were doing, because truth is she probably wanted to spend time with you instead. All I have to say is, boys, sometimes you need to rethink your priorities and prioritize getting breakfast with your girl over playing Call of Duty for hours with the boys.

6. “I’m not mad I’m just annoyed”

No she’s not just annoyed, she’s mad AND annoyed and you, my friend, are in the doghouse again. There’s really no way to sugarcoat this one but your best bet is to grovel until she comes to terms with whatever you did to make her this upset.

7. “It’s ok”

By now you should be noticing a trend here. Most of the time when a girl texts you something seemingly off-putting, she means the exact opposite of what she says. So, in going with our trend, “it’s ok” surely means that it definitely is not ok. Per usual, you did something wrong like following a hot girl with big boobs on Instagram or liking an ex’s LinkedIn post so go right ahead and fix your mistake.

8. ANY sentence with a period.

Girl’s best friend when upset= using a period. Periods are ok and make sense if she has typed out a lot of sentences but if she is sending you one line texts and closing them off with a period then she is fuming. I’d suggest trying to lighten the conversation or crack a joke to feel out her mood better but she definitely is unhappy with you.

9. Read receipts

Read receipts are a controversial topic, however I think they can be one of the most powerful weapons available to girls. If the girl you are into has always had read receipts on from the moment you started talking, that’s shady. That means she’s probably been talking to another boy before you that she turned read receipts on for so be careful. If she turned them on mid-conversation with you then you’re in. That means she likes you and wants to start playing the game of you knowing she saw your texts but she decided to not respond. Read receipts tell it all: they tell you if a girl’s ghosting you, if she responds quickly right after she reads the message, etc. It basically is a guide to gauge her interest in you.

10. "K" vs. "Okay" vs. "kk" vs. "Okie" vs. "ok"

I will conclude by explaining the different versions of “ok.” Let’s start off simple, with “ok.” If a girl texts you “ok,” it’s not good. She’s not necessarily upset with you but she is also not happy with you so I’d suggest not responding to the “ok” and give her space to breath. Whatever you asked her to do, she will probably do it but definitely does not want to. “K” is one of the worst texts you can receive and if you don’t know that then get your head out from the rock you are living under. If you receive a “K” then, yes, you guessed it, it’s groveling time. “Okay” is a little better than “ok” because it provides more tone to the text message by adding the “ay.” Boys, you have nothing to be worried about if you receive this text but quite frankly, she should be sending you something that implies more excitement. “Okie” is a cutesy way of saying “ok.” It means she’s agreeing to whatever you said and you probably did something right. “kk” is the perfect “ok” text to receive from a girl. She is content with what you told her and it’s her fun and flirty way of acknowledging her happiness.

 

So men, by now I have probably confused the heck out of you. But quite honestly, you deserve to be confused. You do a lot of things wrong in relationships and in order for girls to passive aggressively combat your wrongs, they will text you phrases like the ones I have mentioned above. If you truly are the perfect boy or boyfriend, you will learn to recognize these signs of annoyance and anger so that you can dig yourself out the hole you are currently in. Best of luck in your future relationships, and happy texting!