There have been so many times that I have found myself in a “relationship” with someone that I realized I never even actually liked. They were all people I wanted to like, but something was always missing. It always started with a small crush that would turn into a dancefloor makeout that would soon escalate into my friends stalking my new “bae” all the way back to 2008, then look him up on StalkerNet and find out his major. LinkedIn provides information about where he’s worked and what he’s involved in on campus. Before I know it, I realize that I’m involved with the idea of someone. Because of all the information that I have found out and due to the fact that my friends are saying we would look great standing next to one another in wedding pictures, I try my best to squint into our future.
But let’s stop right there.
Bucknell is a place where it seems like everyone always has someone. A crush, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a dancefloor makeout, a one night stand, a consistent hook up, an ex… The list seems to go on. During Orientation we are told a crazy statistic about how many Bucknellians marry each other. We meet many friends on campus whose parents met on the quad during their sophomore year. The clock is ticking and time always seems to be running out and everywhere you turn it seems like everyone is with someone and you’re not and you start overanalyzing every little detail about yourself. You make a timeline and realize that you’ll be in two serious relationships before you’re married and since you’re single right now that means that you probably won’t even settle down until at least 33. And that’s if you find someone! And everyone seems to find someone!But you shouldn’t lose yourself in the process of loving someone. It should be about finding yourself. But too often, especially on college campuses, we are loved for doing—not for being—and that process of self-discovery becomes extremely muddled. We are loved for the way we kiss and the way we touch; we start to view love as something we need to earn. However, we need to move beyond this myopic view of acceptance and start to accept ourselves first.
So, be alone. Eat by yourself at Amami. Take yourself out to the movies. Sleep alone on a Saturday night. You will inevitably feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, and exposed, and that’s completely okay. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Because in the midst of this, you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what upsets you, what inspires you, and everything in between. And then, when you do meet someone who gives you butterflies and makes you blush, you will know that you can be in a relationship where you can both be happy not only together—but as individuals. And you will know that because you are so sure of yourself.
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