Believe it or not, I am living proof that hookups can turn into relationships. However, I recognize that’s not the norm here at Bucknell. Most of my friends on campus agree that the hookup culture here can be tricky to navigate. It’s hard enough to lock down a consistent hookup, let alone try to turn that hookup into a relationship.
Now I definitely don’t know everything about starting a relationship, but I have surely learned a lot from my own experiences. Keep reading for my advice on how to turn your hookup into a relationship!
1. Recognize that finding a significant other is NOT a priority.
If you’re always available, chances are that your hookup will lose interest. Live your own life, and don’t just fake it. Go out with friends, do your schoolwork, and go to the gym a few days a week. Not only will being busy make you more desirable to your hookup, but it will also be a whole lot healthier for your own well-being. Extra perk? If the hookup doesn’t work out, you’ve still got a lot going for you, and bouncing back will be a whole lot easier.
2. Be honest with your hookup from the beginning.
Once trust is broken, it’s hard get back. There is no way that you’ll be able to form a healthy relationship with someone if you aren’t honest with them from the beginning. Don’t lie about where you are, what you’re doing, or what you have/haven’t experienced sexually. It’s not worth jeopardizing the whole relationship when it becomes a problem later on.
3. Know your boundaries.
If you aren’t comfortable with something, tell your hookup right away. Having sex with someone will not make you more likely to date him/her, especially at Bucknell! Everything you do with your partner should be fully consensual – meaning you’re both excited about whatever is happening between the two of you. If that means casual sex, that’s totally fine; just make sure both parties are into it.
4. Pull back a little.
This is often called playing “hard to get.” The effort and energy put toward your hookup/relationship needs to be a two-way street, and it’s not going to work out if you’re the only one putting in the effort. Test the waters, and see if they’re willing to make a move when you don’t.
5. Change up your normal routine.
If your hookup has been steady for a little while (at least a couple weeks), try changing up your routine. Study together at the library, grab a casual lunch, or invite them to your date party. Even though it may be scary, it will be a good chance to get to know each other better. Plus, you’ll get a better sense of whether or not a relationship between the two of you has potential.
6. Be honest with yourself about the nature of your relationship.
I’m guilty of overthinking things (all things, especially boys), but I try not to let this happen anymore in my love life. Be realistic about the grand scheme of things. Has your hookup been just sex? Are you hanging out sober? After you have sex, do you have sleepovers or does he/she leave right away? Do you ever go to meals together? Who initiates contact more frequently? These questions may sound silly, but they’re important for understanding what your current relationship status really is.
7. Vocalize what you want.
All relationships move at different paces. Try to get a sense of what is and isn’t working between you and your hookup. Maybe you want to give the hookup more time before taking things too seriously – or maybe you want to go for it and ask if they’re hooking up with other people. Remember that this step can make or break the relationship, so wait until you’re ready, and be prepared for any answer. Worst case scenario, the relationship doesn’t work out. Don’t let that hold you back. We are so young and there are so many people out there that we have yet to even meet!