We all know the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Some of the dwarves are more charming than others. Some cuter, and some just slightly more tolerable. If you’re thinking, “Wow, this sounds reminiscent of the tale of Bucknell boys on this campus,” then you’re right! I bring to you a depiction of the Bucknell Boy: Seven Dwarves addition.
Preppy
We all know this one well. Maybe even more than we’d like to. He plays tennis, squash or golfs in his free time. His favorite summer hangout is the “club,” and his wardrobe consists of a rotation of salmon colored, mint green, and seer-sucker shorts. He’s already got a job lined up with Goldman Sachs, and Daddy’s really proud.
Pretty
This one may seem to be few and far between, but look closely. He’s there. He may be hiding his refined-ness and delicate features underneath a seemingly rugged Patagonia, but don’t be fooled. He spends more time on his hair than you do, which is fine because he always looks great. He’d rather be sipping an extra-foam latte or cruising in his Audi A6 with his Ray Bans protecting his delicate baby blues than just about anything else, and he has an affinity for all things expensive. Wait, was that a hair flip?!
Druggy
This guy’s got all the hook-ups. Not that we’d need it, I’m just saying. There’s something mysterious about him. Kind of like a car accident, you can’t stop staring. He always seems to be doing “something,” but you can’t ever quite figure out what. He spends most of his daytime hours asleep (psh class, whatever) and most of his nighttime hours making up all the work and real life things he missed while sleeping during the day. And no, I’m pretty sure he’s not a vampire.
Sleazy
Seemingly normal human by day, sloppy creature by night. You know the one. He gets your number in Spanish class and you think he’s totally cute, and it’s so exciting. Then you’re out with your friends, and it becomes the time of the evening when boys start texting girls looking for a good time. You and your friends all giggle as your face is illuminated by your iPhone screen. “Omg who are you texting?!” Only to find out you’re all texting the same guy… Real smooth, Sleazy.
Friendly
The token “best guy friend”, Friendly has hundreds of girl friends, but no girlfriends. He’s just so cute! And funny! But we would never date him, come on! Poor Friendly, he’s really the guy we should be dating. Not Sleazy or Druggy. But instead, we’d rather just watch TV with him and our girlfriends and talk about our feelings.
Dopey
Ugh. Dopey is the guy you get stuck with in your MGMT 101 group who literally contributes nothing to the group and just assumes you’ve got it all covered. You dread having to sit next to him in class because his presence actually makes you feel dumber. Then he emails you the night before your test at 11:59 pm and asks for your study guide and if you want to study together. Sorry, Dopey, no thanks.
Jock
He’s cute, actually kinda hot. He’s got a great bod and several other redeeming qualities. But you can’t quite see past that ego. Literally, it’s so big, where does it end? It’s really a shame too because he’s a much better catch than Sleazy or Dopey, but Jock is his biggest fan, and you’re more an after thought to him. He’ll try to squeeze you into his schedule, but it’ll have to be after he does his leg day and arm day. Oh, also he’ll want to borrow one of your sorority tanks to wear to the gym. It really accentuates the tri’s and bi’s nicely.