“I heard Gretchen Wieners got diagnosed with Celiac disease, so I went out and got diagnosed with Celiac disease.”- Girls on college campuses everywhere
Celiac disease is a condition that prevents the intestines from absorbing gluten. This means that those affected cannot consume most bread, beer, pasta, cereal and a whole slew of other non-betchy foods. While I acknowledge that there are people out there who actually have this medical condition, this article is not about them. This article is about the girls who catch this disease right before they have to fit into their formals dresses. This disease becomes especially prevalent in the three weeks leading up to spring break. However, the most popular time to be allergic to gluten is during early housing selection. The mods, the gateways and all other popular living options are stricken with diseased inhabitants who claim to need a kitchen. At this rate, there will be more girls with Celiac disease than downtown houses by 2016.
The rule used to be that in order to be trendy all you had to do was wear skinny jeans and dark nail polish. I could deal with that. I didn’t mind sucking in and squeezing into the tight jeans. I didn’t mind painting my nails with colors that had unsettling names like Wicked, Lincoln Park After Dark and Bordeaux Lust. But now you are telling me that in order to be trendy I have to get a full-blown disease? This seems a little over the top.
I kept quiet about the fedora and the fake mustache fad even though I was heavily against both trends. However, this is worse than the fedora and the fake mustache. This may even be worse than people who go to Starbucks to write novels. It is at this point where I draw the line and speak up against this ridiculous trend. Unlike the fedora, the mustache and the Starbucks posers, this trend represents something larger and more dangerous. It represents the issue that girls have with their bodies. Girls are willing to develop a fake disease in order to cut calories. It is easy for girls to say, “don’t blame me for not eating, blame my intestines.” It is harder for girls to have a productive and mature conversation about body image.
The reason that I am so against this trend goes even further than the body image issue. Developing a fake disease makes me believe that girls are underappreciating their health. The fact that the majority of the time our bodies work properly is unbelievable when you think about it. Whenever we are healthy, we need to be grateful for it. We need to realize that health is a blessing.
The last issue with this new trend is that faking this disease undermines people who actually have it. It can’t be fun to be constipated or to experience brain fog every time you have a piece of bread. While some people make the disease seem glamorous, these symptoms aren’t glamorous for the people who experience them.
This is why I take a stand. This is why I volunteer as tribute to eat gluten. Call me heroic, but really I am just taking one for the team. I’ll eat that spelt, semolina, kamut, farina and all those other wheat products with funny names. My intestines can absorb gluten, and that rocks.