On the night of the Grammy Awards in 2009, Rihanna and Chris Brown pulled out of their performance because Brown was accused of attacking a woman in a car during an argument. Soon after, photos were exposed, the public was horrified, and Brown was ordered to stay away from his then-girlfriend Rihanna.
The duo’s history since is riddled with details: a controversial video from Rihanna about domestic violence (“Love the Way You Lie”), somewhat scandalous tweets between the two, and yet another Rihanna video (“We Found Love”) featuring a Brown look-a-like. Now, four years later, Rihanna and Brown are back on—and ironically were each other’s dates to the 2013 Grammy Awards.
What does this relationship say to America about domestic violence? It is clear that we, specifically the attendees of the 85th Academy Awards, do not condone it. After Seth McFarlane described “Django Unchained” as “the story of a man fighting to get back his woman, who’s been subjected to unthinkable violence,” he quipped, “Or as Chris Brown and Rihanna call it, a date movie.” McFarlane was met with boos and disapproving ohhs from the crowd.
Seth, I think you probably deserved those boos. Let’s be honest, you were probably expecting them. At the same time, though, Rihanna, you deserve those boos, too.
How could you, after four years, after public scrutiny over him, after photos of your beat-up face were released, get back together with Chris Brown?
What does the Chris Brown-Rihanna situation mean for us? What does it mean for the younger generation of Americans who listen to Rihanna’s music on the radio? What does it mean for the thousands of American women who are currently part of an abusive relationship? Seeing Rihanna back together with the man who beat her up is disheartening. It encourages women that men can change, relationships can change, and domestic abuse can go away. Maybe all this is true in some cases. But the fact is that in most cases, it’s not. Right now, all the Chris Brown-Rihanna situation means is that we can’t really look at Rihanna as our role model. We simply wish her the best and we hope that her relationship with Brown is successful.
Giving Rihanna a hard time is not to say that relationships are without complication. I can still remember watching a domestic abuse-themed episode of “Oprah” when I was little and learning how difficult it was for grown women to leave their husbands. They were hopeful for change, they convinced themselves that everyone went through what they were going through, they cherished the good times that they experienced with their loved ones before the inevitable bad times. These women were also afraid to be on their own, to raise their children without the help of a father. Most prominently, they were afraid of their husbands and boyfriends. What if he followed her? What if he found her? What would happen if she couldn’t make it on her own? I cannot say I understand—I hopefully will never be able to say that—but I can say that I can see the emotional attachment that would hold someone back from leaving an abusive boyfriend or husband.
Let’s take Bucknell, for example. Girl and guy hookup. Girl likes boy. Boy does not like girl, but he does like to hookup with her. He strings her along for months, hooking up with other girls along the way. She knows he’s a bad kid, a bad hookup, a bad potential boyfriend, yet she continues to hookup with him because of an emotional attachment. We have each seen this situation hundreds of times. I’m not saying this is an abusive relationship, but if you take this type of situation and multiple its intensity, you can see the difficulty in leaving someone you love for good.
As students on a relatively safe campus, it is easy to write off abusive relationships as something from movies and television shows. However, a survey conducted by Glamour found that over a quarter of women surveyed had been in an abusive relationship. In addition, 30% of women said that while they had not been in an abusive relationship, they had experienced abusive behavior from a partner. 94% of those reported emotional abuse. The best part of Glamour’s findings, though? 62% of the women spoke up. Their voices allowed them the support of their family, friends, and co-workers to help them safely through the relationship.
What should you take from this article? No, I am not trying to bash Rihanna (even though her clothing line is hideous). What I am trying to simply say, though I’m sure you have heard it before, is that you are not alone, you are not the only one, and others are there for you.