When A Memory Turns A Little Too Rosy

We look back on the past to compare it to the future. If we didn’t, we would never grow. But also, we wouldn’t grieve what’s already gone. 

I am a big believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. Sure, you can say that life is just a coincidence, which is fair. But I don’t want to think like that. Because why not believe the positive, beautiful possibility that we are here for a reason?

Every experience I’ve had has led me to where I am today. I am forever grateful for that fact. But there are times when I look at my past and miss it. 

For some reason, even the worst of times looks desirable when I recollect. This is not just me; it is a real occurrence known as “rosy retrospection.” Rosy retrospection is a cognitive bias that we have, and need, to keep us from falling into a deep depression. If we didn’t look back and see the positive, we would never want to do anything ever again.

This phenomenon occurs because when we consider people, events, or places of the past, we think about them more abstractly, avoiding the small, obscure details. Instead of pinpointing recurring specifics, we think about generalized positives. Our negative details of the past slowly drift out of our minds — what could be so bad about that? While it can make us nostalgic, it can also lead us to yearn for the past in an unhealthy way.

This bias may lead us to forget why we left toxic relationships or places, causing us to go back to them. It supports poor lifestyle habits and stunts individual growth. Watering a dead plant that used to be pretty isn’t going to allow a new flower to bloom.

To stop rosy retrospection from getting a little too rosy, I ground myself with the belief that everything happens for a reason. I am out of that place for a reason. I left that relationship for a reason. And those reasons led me to where I am now: the present.

If we are constantly looking at the past, we’re missing where we are now. And despite how lovely the past was, you can’t live your life in it. The future awaits you.

Remind yourself why things happened the way they did. Look at old pictures, read old text messages, and ponder the memories down to every minute. Think of those details, and the moments that hurt you. Let yourself not only live in the highs of the past, but feel the lows, too.

You can’t let yourself drown in what could have happened. You remember the bad to learn from it and keep growing. We need bad times. We need failure and hardship to improve. Without it, we would have no incentive to keep going. Without the bad, the good wouldn’t be as good. So embrace that fact, and allow yourself to live where you are right now.

And when the retrospection gets a little too rosy, remember, every rose has its thorns. 

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