After reading this title, you might be a little skeptical of this article and what I’m going to say. Bullying has a certain stigma that surrounds it and I know that it’s a sensitive subject. I am in no way saying that bullying is okay, or that it is beneficial. I simply want to share my reflection on the time I was bullied and how it affected me.
I went to a private school from first to sixth grade. Our class consisted of about 20-30 kids from the surrounding towns. We had every subject with the same people, day after day. If there was an issue with another student there was no avoiding it.
Unfortunately, I had an issue — or rather she had an issue with me. Emma* was the “popular girl” in our class. Not everyone liked her, but she held the social power nonetheless. My best friend, Abby*, happened to also be best friends with Emma. Apparently, a girl can’t have two best friends. Emma wanted Abby for herself and there was no way to contest it.
At the beginning of fourth grade, Emma changed how she interacted with me. She never explicitly said anything to me that would be classified as bullying behavior. She never called me names or physically hurt me. She just went out of her way to make sure that I felt excluded and wasn’t succeeding socially in our school’s tiny environment. I felt like an outsider who didn’t fit in. She was competing with me in some odd way and I never knew why. I still don’t.
I can never know why she did what she did. Did it make her happy that I didn’t have many friends and that I felt disliked and ignored? Was it fun for her? What did she gain from hurting me? I’ll never know the answers to these questions but I still think about them sometimes, I can’t help it.
I didn’t realize that there were other ways of being treated until I went to an arts camp and met different people. I felt at home there. Those kids were my friends. They didn’t judge me or view me in any specific or negative way. It was like something inside me had changed and my parents saw it too.
I transferred into a public school and everything was different. Everyone was caring and supportive. I gained a great group of amazing friends. I felt like I was appreciated and loved. It was a great feeling.
However negative my time being bullied was, I don’t resent it. Although I wish that I didn’t have to go through that, now that I have, I wouldn’t change it. My experiences have taught me the difference between respect and disrespect.
After being treated poorly for so many years, I am extremely careful with how I treat others. I do not wish to ever make anyone feel the way I felt, so I try to be nice to everyone. I’m not perfect and I make mistakes, but saying one negative comment is different from making someone feel crappy for almost three years.
I realize that it might just be in my personality to be kind to people, but I strongly believe that how I was treated played some role in making me who I am today. I strive to make others happy and feel good about themselves (as I wish everyone would do) but I know this isn’t the case for everyone.
If you or a friend is being bullied or was bullied in the past, I encourage you to talk to someone about it, whether that be a parent, a friend, or a professional. For more information on preventing bullying, click here. Recognizing that there is an issue is the first step to finding a solution. I promise there are people out there who will cherish you. You just have to find them.
*Names have been changed.
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