It is well known that Beyoncé is the queen of actually everything. In addition to that very obvious fact, Lemonade is probably the most empowering album I have ever heard. Her music and voice have always been amazing, but it wasn’t until I could resonate with her emotions so deeply that I fell completely in love with Lemonade.
So, what have I taken away from her brilliantly written music? First of all, on the question of whether Jay-Z cheated, either he 110 percent did OR Beyoncé is 110 percent the best actress in the world. No question about it. Secondly, Beyoncé so clearly explains every emotion that leaves me at a loss for words. She depicts anger, rage, frustration, sadness, disappointment, pain, love, regret and emptiness. She breaks down each emotion separately, yet simultaneously categorizes every emotion together into this confusing and abstract feeling so conflicting and distasteful that it is difficult to articulate. While being lied to and cheated on is such a confusing concept for me to grasp, each song on the album allows me to understand myself and my emotions.
Here’s a breakdown of Lemonade‘s 12 inspiring songs, and what each of them have taught me:
1. “Pray You Catch Me”
“You can taste the dishonesty, it’s all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier.”
When I thought about him pressing his lips against her mouth, it broke me. My initial feeling was brokenness and inadequacy within myself. I questioned how he could look me in the eyes and lie to me yet still lie down with me in bed as if nothing was wrong. It didn’t make sense to me, the way that he was so dishonest to me but still expected my honesty in return.
“My lonely ear pressed against the walls of your world.”
In my opinion, imagining the person you love with someone else is the most gut-wrenching feeling possible. I wanted to know every detail, yet I also didn’t want to know anything at all. I constantly looked for indicators of his dishonesty, always allowing myself to keep them on my mind. I allowed myself to get so caught up in what was happening in his world that I forgot I had a world of my own.
2. “Hold Up”
“Hold up, they don’t love you like I love you.”
I have a big heart and it is not to be confused for weakness. There is no possible way that she could possibly love him the way I love him. The way that I know how to love is with my whole heart and he took it for granted because he can’t get my love from anyone else.
“Can’t you see there’s no other man above you? What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you.”
I look in the mirror and wonder if I have the capability to hurt him back – to allow myself to be with someone else in spite of him. I could never be unfaithful to someone I gave my all to. I realize that the worst thing about it was him stripping away my trust and making me feel replacable.
3. “Don’t Hurt Yourself”
“Who the f*** do you think I am?”/ “When you hurt me, you hurt yourself. Don’t hurt yourself.”
After the sadness winded down a bit, the rage hit. How could he do this to me? He needed me just as much or more than I needed him. It was not okay that he thought I was even remotely close to replaceable, because I am not. I gave him more than anyone could have given him. He had it good and now he doesn’t because his own mistakes took that away from him. At this point, I am glad I wasn’t the one cheating because it would hurt a lot more knowing that I had the ability to so deeply wound someone.
4. “Sorry”
“Middle fingers up. Put them hands high. Wave it in his face. Tell ‘em BOY BYE.”/ “He only want me when I’m not there. He better call Becky with the good hair.”
There comes a point in this roller coaster of emotions where you become straight up annoyed. You become fed up with the way he treated you and any reminder of him is simply irritating. He should have thought twice before cheating on me because now I’m not thinking about him, and he is stuck relying on “Becky with the good hair.”
5. “6 Inch”
“Stars in her eyes, she fights for the power.”
He does not have control over me and the way I feel. I have power over myself and he does not get to dictate my emotions for me. No one has that capability besides me.
6. “Daddy Lessons”
“He taught me to be strong.”
I am tough. Do not mess with me.
7. “Love Drought”
“Ten times out of nine I know you’re lying. Nine times out of ten I know you’re trying. So I’m trying to be fair.”
It is unexplainably hard dealing with someone who loves you so greatly, but wronged you so badly. Not knowing if I will able to trust his word ever again strikes me right where it hurts. I want to be fair to him because I know that he really does care, but I also know that more importantly, I need to be fair to myself. It is hard to hold a grudge when you love someone so much. The desire to forgive comes so easily when you know a person so incredibly well, but it is hard to balance that while still protecting your heart.
8. “Sandcastles”
“Show me your scars, and I won’t walk away.”
Time. Personally, this is something I need more of as far as forgiveness goes. Our relationship was the best years of my life and I honestly imagined a lifetime full of happiness with him. The lies that have fallen so easily from his mouth and the pain he has inflicted upon me is still so raw. I think this is something that time heals. And if he is actually sorry, (like truly sorry) then maybe it is meant to be. It is ultimately up to each situation and its context.
9. “Forward”
“Go back to sleep. In your favorite spot just next to me.”
This somber duet by Beyoncé and James Blake reminds me of all that my heart wants. I see it as an acceptance of the state of sadness and reminiscence.
10. “Freedom”
“I break chains all by myself.”
Ultimately, freedom is what everyone wants and needs as the end goal of heartbreak. I think that the outcome is different for everyone and is entirely based on the situation and how each person handles it. Regardless of how you work through it, it is so comforting to know that there is relief – light at the end of the tunnel.
11. “All Night”
“I found the truth beneath your lies.”/ “My love was stronger than your pride.” / “Give you some time to prove that I can love ya again.”
I want to have the capability to forgive him completely, but it needs to be right. I know that it takes time. Your heart needs to be whole on your own terms first before you reach this decision.
12. “Formation”
The whole song is too quotable to pick a specific quote. What a wonderful way to end such a powerful album. Be empowered. You are in control. Be proud of who you are and let your experiences shape you, not define you.