Imposter syndrome is a psychological condition characterized by persistent doubt of one’s abilities or accomplishments, accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success. I never felt imposter syndrome when I was in high school.
School for me used to feel like an easy hike. I felt it would work out as long as I kept a strict standard and derived my identity and confidence from academic achievements. I used to look at grades all the time and feel like that was the only thing I should be worried about. Grades were the best set of “letters” that defined my abilities. Grades were the key to my dream university. Grades were what I would judge other people by.Â
Then the reality check happened. After I arrived at university, the sudden shift of the academic landscape completely hit me.Â
Nothing prepares you for the sheer shock of walking into a 100-person lecture hall for the first time as a freshman. Back in high school, classrooms were so small that your teacher knew your exact name, your personality, and probably your entire academic history. But the second you step into a massive university auditorium, that cozy, familiar feeling completely evaporates.
You find a seat, pull down one of those tiny flip-up desks, and immediately get hit with sensory overload. There are laptop screens glowing everywhere, the constant sound of a hundred people typing at light speed, and a professor standing at the front who looks about the size of an ant from the back row.
Suddenly, you look around at the sea of strangers who all somehow look like they have their lives entirely together. Someone next to you is already color-coding their Notion page for a syllabus you haven’t even downloaded, and another person raises their hand to ask a question using terms you’ve never heard in your life. Professors pose endless complex questions that completely challenge my thinking, and peers speak up effortlessly while I’m still spiraling over not understanding the previous slides. Sitting in a crowd that big, it’s ridiculously easy to feel completely invisible and wonder whether the admissions office made a mistake letting you into the room, whether you fit the environment or not.
My first exam came right in the blink of an eye. It was the first time I had ever done an exam with open notes. I was in a room of 200 people. The testing website, Blackboard, showed my score immediately. It wasn’t a bad score, but it wasn’t a good score either. But to my high school self, I would be disappointed. That set of numbers didn’t meet my standard. Multiple questions pop up in my head. Is this defining my future? How did everyone around me do? Will the professor doubt my abilities? Oh, I must be the one with the lowest grade here!
However, those panic thoughts eventually will not help you in any way in academics. Panic is not a reflection of intelligence but rather a classic imposter syndrome that was fed by long-term perfectionism. It will do nothing but lower your self-esteem, make you doubt yourself, and weigh you down with stress.Â
Instead, I tried to view this fear of failure from another perspective. I wanted to move away from viewing grades as a measure of personal worth to viewing them as a form of feedback for growth. Someone once told me a saying that completely flipped my perspective: “If you don’t feel like the people around you are better or smarter than you, you’re in the wrong room.”
At first, that thought was terrifying. But the more I sat with it in those massive lectures, the more it started to make sense. High school was comfortable because I always knew how to stay at the top. University is supposed to push you out of that comfort zone. Feeling intimidated by the people sitting next to you doesn’t mean that you’re stupid or that the admissions team made a mistake; it’s proof that you’re in a room full of brilliant minds, and you earned a seat right next to them.
So, below are a few actionable steps that can help you and me combat imposter syndrome:
- Separate Self-Worth From Scores
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Constantly remind yourself that a single test score or essay grade does not diminish or define your potential and who you are.
- Utilize Campus Resources
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Reach out, go to office hours and tutors, visit drop-ins, and maximize the workshops that are available to you. You pay for the education here, so make use of all the clubs and workshops available.
- Celebrate The Fact That You’re Actually In The Room
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Reframe being surrounded by smart peers from being a threat into an opportunity to learn and grow alongside them. You don’t have to become best friends, but get some ideas from them; maybe you’ll gain another viewpoint or a better insight, especially in creative subjects!
Learning to let go of perfectionism is an ongoing process, but remember that you earned your seat in that 100-person lecture hall just as much as anyone else.
You deserve to be there!
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