You’ve been friends for more than a decade. They’re your ride or die, but are you theirs?
Having a best friend is truly one of the most special experiences of a young woman’s life. The companionship and deep bond you share with someone who feels like a sister and is a source of so much joy is unmatched. Over time, however, as you both grow into yourselves, it can feel as though your best friend doesn’t match your energy, or you might begin to argue over issues that seemed minuscule only months before.
Naturally, once you’re comfortable with someone and you’ve shared a significant amount of your life with her, it’s normal to have arguments and disagreements. Yet, once it feels as though there are double standards, unfairness, and lack of effort in a friendship, it makes you wonder if that’s because they’re not a good friend, or you’re both simply growing up.
View Your Friendship In Hindsight
If your friend’s behavior seems strange or out of the ordinary, it’s most likely due to something in their life and isn’t a reflection of your friendship.
This can be difficult to navigate if she doesn’t explicitly tell you what’s bothering her. You can always offer to be there for her whenever she’s ready to talk, and you can cheer her up through small actions like spending time with her, buying her her favorite candy, or listening to music together. Even if your friend is having a hard time, it’s not your responsibility to bear any abuse or belittlement that may come your way. You should be understanding of your friend, but not at your own expense; otherwise, your friendship will deteriorate.
On the other hand, if you find that your friend’s behavior is an ongoing pattern, it’s best to think about having a conversation with her about her actions. No true best friend will belittle your accomplishments, be jealous and sabotage you, or gossip about you. Having people like this in your life, no matter how long you’ve known them, is tiring and incredibly damaging. The best thing you can do is create distance from someone who expresses that toxic behavior.
Are You Growing Up?
If you find yourself bothered by your friend’s behavior, you should reflect on how it affects you. Consider if it’s a new behavior or one that has recently started to bother you. From there, think about how you want to bring this up to your friend. You shouldn’t allow something to keep bothering you, since things can pile up pretty quickly.
By reflecting, you may find yourself in a new chapter of your life. It’s possible that your friend’s actions or beliefs don’t line up with yours. If so, that’s OK, and you don’t need to cut her out of your life or ghost her. You should simply speak with her and bring it to her attention.
How To Approach Your Friend
No good friend should take offense to an issue that you bring up. Of course, either one of you can be non-confrontational, but allowing things to simmer will eventually lead to conflict boiling over. If you’re the non-confrontational type, you can casually bring something up to your friend when you’re hanging out with her. If you’re more of the confrontational type, proceed with a neutral tone and avoid using accusatory language.
Your friend shouldn’t gaslight you, get angry, or become overly defensive when you’re bringing up an issue. A good friend will listen and want to resolve the issue. A friend who may not have the same maturity level or simply isn’t a good friend may be harder to speak to, but don’t let that burden you.
Sometimes you outgrow friendships, even if it’s been years, which is a difficult situation in itself. You shouldn’t let a good friendship go, and if they truly value you, they’ll do the same. Remember that friendships can always have rough patches. What matters is how you navigate and push past them.
I hope this helps you navigate troubling friendships!
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