I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a year-and-a-half now, and it’s been great. He goes to school in St. Louis, so we only get to visit each other once a semester. I miss him every day, but I’m also glad we’re apart. (Here’s a picture of us below.)
College is a really important time to focus on and learn about yourself. Because we’re doing long-distance, we get to grow on our own, and then we get the improved and matured versions of each other at the end of college. We always have each other for support, and at the same time, we’re able to explore our interests without having to split our time between each other and other friends and activities.
We received so many warnings about doing distance when we started college. People told us we’d be traveling to see each other all the time and therefore never make friends at school. People said it would be too hard to have a relationship with long periods of no physical contact, from cuddling to sex. We were told we’d be paranoid all the time wondering if we could trust each other. People thought we’d be tempted to hook up with other people.
All of these things are issues that tore some couples apart, and you have to learn if you can get past them or if the problems are too big to overlook. Every couple is different, and it’s up to you to figure out what kind of college relationship works for you.
The first thing you need to make long distance work is trust. You’re apart for a huge chunk of the year, and the reality is, you really can never be 100 percent sure about what they’re doing. Even if they’re updating you, you have no way of knowing if they’re telling the truth. You have to be able to trust your significant other; otherwise, you’ll go crazy worrying all the time. Everyone gets nervous sometimes, but you also shouldn’t be paranoid forever either.
Updating your partner is also crucial. Keeping your partner updated automatically without them having to ask alleviates so much paranoia. You’ll wonder what the other is up to, but you don’t want to keep asking and seem clingy. If you keep each other up to date, it makes everything easier.
Finally, communication is key. Tell each other when you’re nervous, when you think distance may be too hard to do, when you feel really good about your relationship, when you think of something that could make the relationship easier, etc. If you commit to open communication, it’s so much easier to work through problems and do what’s best for both of you.
Remember, deciding to try long-distance is not a one-time decision. You have to keep reevaluating how it’s going, especially during the first year. You have to keep deciding if it’s working out and if it’s something you want to continue putting time and energy into.
Every relationship comes with its challenges. When people say a relationship should be easy, that’s only partially true. Relationships, especially long-distance, take work. That said, there should be some level of ease. Trust your gut. Take care of yourself. Do what feels right.
The bottom line is that you have to figure out what works for you. Ignore other people’s expectations. Ignore what’s happening in other relationships. Each relationship and the people involved are unique. Breaking up or staying together can both be good choices when you’re considering long-distance, but just make sure you’re taking care of yourself!
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