Frantically walking to the next place where I need to be today, I forget about the little girl within. I lose her, bit by bit.
My head is filled with to-do lists. I close my eyes, and I think of next month’s bills to pay. I close my eyes, and suddenly I don’t know how to dream anymore. I can only hear the noise of the construction outside. I can only hear the doors slamming outside of my small college dorm.
I see things, but I don’t look at them. Words come to me and bounce back. I stop paying attention. My body and mind are here, but my soul isn’t present.
I’m confused by all the languages that intertwine in my head, intimidated by the new people I meet, overwhelmed by these insane challenges I set for myself.
I forgot what it was like to be able to breathe deeply. I forgot what it was like to not feel the crushing weight of fear on my shoulders. The trauma and wounds pile up, and I forgot who I was before the world hurt me so badly.
That little girl was wild and spirited. She danced in fancy white dresses, barefoot. She ran on the beach and swam until the sunset. Her salty hair covered her head full of dreams. She sang on her bike, the wind caressing her soft cheeks. Her eyes were wide open. She wasn’t afraid of what she might see. She never wore sunglasses because she wanted to take in every sun ray.
I know that little girl is in there, somewhere. She’s all curled in on herself and she’s built many walls for protection. This mad world scared her away.
After falling over and over again, she made a new life for herself. But she finds herself unable to escape the worries that come with growing up. She remembers counting the petals of each flower that came her way and laughing on the carousel for hours at a time.
I’m working on finding the little girl within again. I need her infinite passion for life, crazy ideas, and adventurous spirit. I need her ability to quiet the noise and focus on the magic.
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