From ages five to fourteen, I attended Catholic school. This is a well-known fact about me; I often use it for jokes, mentioning all the interesting, hilarious rituals and events that happened during my Catholic education. Known for being incredibly regimented — which, I will admit, it was — Catholic school was a huge part of my identity as a child. Even now, where I laugh about how different it was from my high school experience and the experiences of my friends who went to public school, I appreciate the fact that I had a Catholic education. I made incredible memories and best friends that I have continued to treasure until this day. It creates a community.
However, nowadays, I don’t generally identify as a religious person. I have stopped going to church. I don’t participate in sacraments, or generally even pray. Though I believe in something bigger than myself, I have honestly stopped being observant of the faith I grew up with because I heavily disagree with some of the Catholic church’s teachings. I remember growing up and hearing my priest say that all gay people were inherent sinners because of their sexuality, and thinking what a horrible idea that was. I remember in the seventh grade when I said that I was pro-choice, and hearing a few of my classmates ask me how I could want babies to be killed. I made my decision to be less faithful on my own — though I am well aware that most Catholics are tolerant, and Pope Francis is an incredible influence, I simply did not feel connected to my spirituality anymore.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve continued to see updates from my old Catholic school friends on my Facebook and Instagram feed. Often, I would see them at anti-abortion rallies, and automatically assume they were ignorant. Within the past year, though, I have decided to reflect on my assumptions. Though I am still pro-choice, I recognize that it is important to discuss abortion with women who are pro-life. Recently, I’ve seen the term coined “pro-life feminism”. When I first saw this term, I believed it to be contradictory — how could you want to take away a women’s right to choose while still being a feminist? But I thought back to my Catholic school days. Before my revelation in seventh grade that I was pro-choice, I certainly considered myself pro-life. That was what I was taught to believe; it felt natural.
My friend who is a pro-life feminist believes that, “being a feminist means supporting all genders and all people, no matter who they are or what they believe in. And to me, that starts from the moment a baby is conceived because they are the most vulnerable. So, in order to support equality of everyone, it has to start with the most vulnerable.” Knowing my friend, I know her beliefs stem from thoughtfulness and deep convictions. It is one of the qualities I respect most about her. Hearing reasons like this for pro-life feminism is, to me, one of the most helpful parts of the debate. I understand and respect where my friend is coming from, even if we are not necessarily on the same page.
Lack of understanding affects both sides of the pro-choice and pro-life debate. Pro-choice feminists often write off pro-lifers as discriminatory, refusing to listen to a genuine reason as to why someone holds this belief. I admit that I am guilty of this. However, I do not agree with the many pro-lifers who say that pro-choice women condone murder. Both sides need to facilitate a dialogue that does not rely on insults and unfounded claims. And honestly, it is easy to understand both sides. For example, if I were to become unexpectedly pregnant right now, I do not know if I could get an abortion. On a governmental scale, I am pro-choice, but on a personal scale, I am not quite as sure. I acknowledge that it is an incredibly heart-wrenching decision that I would be vastly unprepared to make.
To me, women’s rights are not a debate. They are necessary, and the sheer fact that people still argue about them is deplorable. However, when it comes to pro-life and pro-choice feminism, we all need to be more understanding. It is not up to male politicians to tell us what their views on the matter are. Women need to create an environment where we can share our beliefs with respect and understanding. Only then can we reach an agreement on such a difficult topic.