How to Get out of a Bad Relationship

Breaking up is hard to do. No one likes it – not the person who ends the relationship, and not the person who gets dumped. It is especially heartbreaking when both people still love each other, but can’t seem to make it work. So how do you know it’s time to give up on a relationship? How do you distinguish between a simple “rough patch” and a toxic relationship? These are some questions I faced while trying to deal with my ex-boyfriend.

I loved my ex unconditionally. I would have done just about anything for that boy. I had never met anyone so confident and sure of himself. He made me feel safe and secure at a time when I felt lost and alone, starting my freshman year of college in a new city. He was a main reason why I didn’t end up transferring schools. He treated me like a princess when I was at my absolute worst, and I couldn’t have been more content in my relationship.

Fast-forward to my sophomore year, I had lost some weight and was feeling more confident than ever. I was ready to make the most of my new school and really put myself out there. However, my boyfriend was going through some tough times of his own. He didn’t really want to do anything – see friends, go out, or do any of the things that used to make him happy. I became really concerned.

When I tried to confront him about it, he told me I was the one with the problem. He said my new friendships were superficial, that none of them really cared about. I started crying as he verbally attacked the really amazing friends I had just made, the ones that he barely knew.

Things only got worse as time went on. I was his verbal punching bag – he felt powerful by making me feel unwanted and unloved. He often acted annoyed or flat out indifferent to my presence. 

The last straw was when I stayed out late with my friends one night. After my boyfriend once again rejected me, I decided to go out with my friends and had a blast. When I finally arrived at home, he started screaming at me. He insinuated that I had stayed out late because I was a slut and that he didn’t need to date someone like me. The next morning, I finally broke up with him.

I don’t think anyone can be 100% sure of their decision when they end a relationship with someone. Though it may seem obvious from the outside, it’s hard to let go of something that meant a lot to you at one point (even when you know it’s not the best thing for you). It takes a lot of courage to walk away. While I had my doubts, I couldn’t deny the relief I felt once it was over. No one was there to tell me how to dress, how to speak or how to act.

Relationships should be a source of love and joy, not shame or sadness. I deserve better, and you deserve better. Take it from one of the most beautiful women in history, Marilyn Monroe: “It’s better to be unhappy alone, than unhappy with someone.”