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How to be Assertive with Sexual Partners


The US government may not know how to make up their minds, but you sure do. Well, maybe not. Making a decision can be difficult, especially when it comes to sexual endeavors. But, fear no more! I’ve got you covered with a step-by-step guide to the best communication techniques before, during, and after you enter the bedroom (or wherever you have sex)! 

+ Ask yourself questions. Knowing what you want is the first step to being assertive. Here are some sample questions to consider: What do I like? What do I not like? Do I want a casual hookup a monogamous relationship? Do I prefer to be sober? Do I prefer my partner to be sober? Is it important that my partner recently has been tested for STDs/STIs/HIV? Jot down the answers on paper or keep them stored on your phone.

+ Construct a standard system. According to the answers to the above questions, construct a system of standards for a sexual partner. Consider creating a checklist of your standards and priorities. Note: If your partner doesn’t respect your standards then they aren’t worth your time.

+ Ask your partner questions about their preferences and boundaries. What do they like? What is a major turn-off? Is it okay to touch (insert place here)? However, the most important question to ask is “Do you want to have sex?” You will not know if your partner is on the same page if you do not ask!

+ Communicate your own preferences and boundaries. Express yourself through words, gestures, or –if you’re feeling scholarly-- written word!

+ Reflect on your experience. So, maybe your partner isn’t the best at meeting your needs. Continue the conversation and look for solutions to any problems or discomforts that came up. Maintaining the personal relationship with your wants and needs is essential to fulfilling your sexual desires. Check back with yourself once a month to see if your answers, priorities, or standards have changed.


And if all else fails, recite Maya Angelou -

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