It was Sunday night. My roommate, Sophia, and I were recapping our weekend, as many do. I was in bed, and she was at her desk as we both ate our Sweetgreen together. Sophia started telling me about this guy she met while she was out, and how he kept asking her to come home with him. I was giving her details on this guy and it was a pretty routine debrief — nothing we hadn’t experienced in past weekends.
But after we got past the whole “men only want one thing” and “we need to stop being so outside on the weekends” conversation, I asked her something that made us both come to a really harrowing realization. Â
“Do we actually… like hooking up with people like this?” We laughed for a second. And then sat in silence for a while, thinking.
“No,” she said, “I really don’t think we do. It doesn’t feel as good as I thought. Afterward I’m kind of always left with a sense of doom, you know?” I think we all know.
To which I said something along the lines of, “You know what it is? I’ve never hooked up with a guy that I’ve had an emotional connection to. It’s all just been randoms. I would even count the guys I’ve seen more than once as a random. I know nothing about them.” Sometimes anonymity is just what we need on a night out, but sometimes all you want is to be seen.Â
Where do we draw the line between just “having fun” and actively searching for male validation? Again, there’s nothing wrong with going out and exploring, but when you go out only in search of finding someone to go home with, it starts to take a toll. Let me be clear: I’m not here to give advice or to tell you the dos and don’ts, because I’m honestly just as confused as the next person. I’m simply pointing out a pattern I’ve noticed, hoping others will feel the same. Â
Here’s what I’ve observed and learned so far in my short time in college: you can’t have expectations for anyone but yourself. The only actions we can control are our own. I think that actively seeking a partner during the first semester of college feels a little silly. Not only are we getting adjusted to a new place, but having a relationship requires a lot of time and effort that we may not have yet. Knowing what you want is important, but I would argue that knowing what you don’t want is even more important.Â
I think our generation was raised on the false pretense that emotional intimacy stems from physical intimacy. But in my opinion, the two actually have nothing to do with each other. While we all crave physical intimacy once in a while, emotional intimacy is what feeds our souls.Â
And maybe in terms of guys, we’re all doomed. But I think what you all really need right now is a fantastic roommate who you can have despairing conversations with over a salad on a Sunday night.
And that’s better than any random hookup.
Want to keep up with HCBU? Make sure to like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, check out our Pinterest board, watch us on TikTok, and read our latest Tweets!