For a very long time, I had that friend. The friend you’ve known for years and years, whom you shared so many wonderful memories with… from years ago. The friend who was always there for you… back in middle school. The friend who spent so long in your life they became a constant, even if their treatment of you was inconsistent.
To my Oldest Friend,
For many months I wracked my brain, waiting in silence for your texts or calls. But they never came. The worst part is, I wasn’t surprised. Even as I denied the end of our friendship, looking back I can now see how I anticipated it, long before I had noticed the diminishing frequency of you asking me “how are you?” and lack of responses. Despite this, I wasted so much time clinging onto a person who wasn’t there, because I wanted so desperately for you to return to the person you were.
But the truth is, we both grew up, and thus grew apart. Who am I to judge if you grew better or worse. All that I can definitively conclude is that as we became adults, the chasm between our separate ambitions and beliefs only widened.
My memories with you shaped me into the adult I am now. My teenage years, some of the most formative years in a person’s life, are filled with our inside jokes, adventures, arguments, and companionship. Occasionally, it hurts knowing so much of that time was spent with someone who eventually discarded me, but I also recognize I wouldn’t be so happy now if I didn’t learn from you then.
When I finally realized you were treating me poorly, I set a new standard for myself and welcomed people to my inner circle who make me feel loved. I do not have to wait for their texts or doubt their support. They are consistently caring, and that care gave me the courage to leave our friendship behind.
I refuse to let you back into my life, because by doing that I would only perpetuate the past. As sentimental as I may be, I don’t want to be the person I was when we were friends. I am proud of the growth I’ve accomplished since then, and I want to live as the person I am now.
So thank you for the lessons our friendship has taught me, but it is time to say goodbye, old friend. I wish you nothing but the best.