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An Explanation of Zodiac Signs from Someone Who Knows Nothing About Astrology

I was recently forced to get the app Co-Star, a program that gives you horoscopes, so that my friends could do a deep-dive into my astrological chart. They seemed pretty interested in what they found, but I can barely even remember that I’m a Scorpio.

Here’s my best guess of the personality traits of the zodiac signs based on limited information and my even more limited memory. These are probably all wrong, but it’s just for fun so here we go.

  1. 1. Aquarius

    Okay, off to a bad start, but I think if someone asked me to name all the zodiac signs off the top of my head, this is the one that I’d forget.

  2. 2. Pisces

    A fish... not really sure what personality vibe that’s supposed to give me. Fish are boring, aren’t they?

  3. 3. Aries

    Here’s a problem with astrology: you meet some person/people that are a certain sign and you don’t like them so you decide you don’t like all people of that sign. I had one person I knew that was an Aries that I didn’t like. They were too high-energy and competitive. I think someone told me that was typical of Aries, which I guess stuck with me. But one of my best friends now is an Aries, so good thing I wasn’t too prejudiced.

  4. 4. Taurus

    Stubborn? I don’t know if I think that just because the imagery associated with Taurus is a bull. Loyal? I think so.

  5. 5. Gemini

    They have two different personalities and win arguments. And people hate them. They tend to change their minds a lot.

  6. 6. Cancer

    I think Cancers are very emotional. They’re sensitive and people can hurt their feelings kind of easily. I think I’m like a rising or moon or something Cancer, so someone called me emotional and then I was upset about that so checkmate, I guess.

  7. 7. Leo

    I don’t have a single clue. Like not even a guess.

  8. 8. Virgo

    All I know is that Jenna Marbles is a Virgo because she says it a lot. And I love Jenna Marbles, but she usually says it in a “I’m type-A” sort of context. So I’m assuming they like order and control.

  9. 9. Libra

    I think they're indecisive, but I’ve also wanted to say indecisive for like five of these. Maybe I am truly the indecisive one.

  10. 10. Scorpio

    I’m a Scorpio. Boy, it really does seem like people hate Scorpios. I’m not really sure why. I think Scorpios are supposed to be intense and assertive. They’re...complicated relationship-wise too.

  11. 11. Sagittarius

    Honesty is very important I think for Sagittariuses. But here’s one of my problems with all of this: who doesn’t value honesty? Is there something that’s more specific to Sagittariuses that I’m missing here? And a Libra symbol is literally a scale, so why aren’t they the honest ones? I have no clue.

  12. 12. Capricorn

    They’re put together I believe. Responsible, even.

At the end of the day, astrology can be fun to look at and compare, but even if you do believe that there is some truth to it, I don’t think you should ever judge a person based solely off of their zodiac sign. Broad statements like “I don’t like Geminis” can help you identify the personality types you don’t want to be around and the traits you value most, but not every Gemini is the same. Obviously, I am not well-versed in astrology and so it will affect none of my choices in people to spend time with, but it can be fun to hear other people's thoughts on the zodiac signs.

Let the zodiac obsessions live on, I guess.

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