Are You There Myspace? – It's Me, Single Woman

I was in Washington D.C. with my cousin, visiting another cousin who had just recently moved down to Maryland. We were walking around Georgetown, taking pictures of the Key Bridge, when a woman’s voice carries over to us, loud and clear: “I haven’t had a date since Myspace!”

If we turned around to figure out who said that or where she was behind us, I don’t remember. She must have been out on a dinner date with her girlfriends or her family that Saturday night, and was not keen on holding back her displeasure with her relationship status. Maybe her friends laughed along with her or pitied her – we stopped being able to hear the conversation as we walked further down the pebbled road by the river.

Even though it’s been a while since the woman made this bold declaration, I’d like to dedicate this open letter to her almost four years later.

 

Dear Single Woman Who Hasn’t Had a Date Since Myspace,

Let’s get right to the elephant in the room: what does that mean? Have you not had a date since Myspace was created, back in 2003? Or have you not had a date since you last logged onto your account and updated your music playlist, maybe a few years down the line in 2008? The most important question, I think, after that is: have you had a date since that Saturday night in Georgetown?

Photo from Know Your Meme. 

If I may ask, what brought on this conversation? Maybe you were talking about the options on the menu and you saw a fancy Italian meal that reminded you of that date you went on your junior year of college, studying abroad in a foreign country with beautiful humans. Then it hits you – that’s the last time I’ve been on a date?! Perhaps you’re spending this Saturday night with a group of friends you haven’t seen since New Year’s, and Karen is recalling how she spent Valentine’s Day with her new lover, and it strikes you how lonely you feel without a similarly cute story to follow-up with.

It’s fascinating to think, though, that you might not have been telling the truth that night. What if Karen was still recalling how she spent Valentine’s Day with her lover – but the story ends in heartbreak, with Karen needing this girls’ time to nurse her spirits, and you knew this would make her laugh? What a good friend you are, Mystery Myspace Single Woman. You know how to put your friends above the romantic interests in your life when they need you – something young adults and adolescents seem to struggle heavily with in this day and age!

Where are you now in your life? Where were you back then? I was sixteen and visiting my older cousin during spring break, trying not to think about all the homework I had piling up. I had an essay for the book, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, due relatively soon after I returned home. I had just bought new clothes from H&M with money I had saved from my first job. We were going to get Ben & Jerry’s ice cream sometime later that night and I remember feeling so accomplished. Four years later, sometimes I wonder if I still feel that way – or even if I should. Are you still thinking about that Saturday night in Georgetown four years ago, maybe about how far you’ve come or how far you still have to go?

It’s crazy for me to think about how long ago this was, but how I still remember it like it was yesterday. Maybe you’re getting married this week, this month, this year. What are you going to wear, have you picked out your dress? I’ve always wanted to go to Kleinfeld, like the brides-to-be do on Say Yes to the Dress, and pick out a silvery, silky Pnina Tornai. Perhaps you’re not getting married and have no plans to anytime in the near future – or ever! – but I still think you’d like the show. Check it out sometime and come talk to me about Randy on Twitter, if you ever read this.

You probably have no idea that a simple comment you made over dinner would carry so much weight over the next four years. It would be wild to find out that you forgot ever saying this, or why you did say this, and that I’m the one still thinking about it years later. This story is one of my favorites to talk about!

 

I have to thank you for sharing your story with me, albeit unknowingly. If life were an academic English paper, I owe you unwavering amounts of credit for many of the laughs I’ve roped out of people. In instances where I’m trying to impress someone or lighten the tension in a room, I go back to that Saturday night in Georgetown, staring at the Key Bridge in front of the fading twilight, and ask with a smirk, “Wanna hear something funny? I haven’t had a date – since Myspace!”

 

Best Wishes,

Joy