Welcome to or welcome back to my column. With less than 6 weeks left until the end of the school year, I’ve been reflecting on the people I met during my freshman year. College is an incredible opportunity to meet friends and foster new relationships. However, it’s not easy to find ones of quality. In this week’s column, I am going to talk about why not everyone deserves to be your friend.
Not what you expected, right? In an effort to maintain my no B.S. mantra, I’ve decided to skip the formalities and explain why you need to choose friends wisely. Right off the bat, not everyone is going to like you. This age-old saying holds validity, especially in college. You’re going to be exposed to dozens of people who have different upbringings, cultures, and values. No matter how kind and friendly you are to certain people, they may never want to be your friend because of their personal identity and beliefs.
It’s weird to think about this, but some students will only befriend people they believe will boost their social standing. Others will seek insecure friends to make them feel better about themselves. If you do not fit into whatever category these people desire, they will never choose you as their friend. While this is not a negative reflection of you, it certainly can feel like it.
This has been the hardest pill for me to swallow this year. I have struggled to grasp why certain people flake on plans and others exclude me from them altogether. Truthfully, it is simply who they are. Many students are inconsiderate and self-absorbed. A lot of immature college kids lack the ability to empathize with others who may be feeling unseen.
My main piece of advice: stop trying. I know a lot of people, myself included, that want to make the people who dislike them change their minds. This is impossible. If someone writes you off for no legitimate reason, they’re too stuck in their distorted ways. Besides, why would you ever want to be friends with someone who is calculative and superficial? Why would you want to befriend someone to whom you constantly have to prove yourself to? Instead, you should invest time and energy into people who are genuine, compassionate, and fun. Pick friends who align with YOUR values.
You’re probably wondering where to find these people. I’ve met friends in workout classes, school clubs, and parties. There is no magic place, but there is a magic spell: getting uncomfortable. You will never meet new people if you sit back and wait for them to approach you. Push yourself to say hi. At the start of the school year, most other people are anxious to make friends as well. Some questions to ask: Have you been to this type of event before? Where are you living on campus? What’s your major? Where’s your hometown?
Also, go to the activities that the school plans. There will be freshmen saying that these events are embarrassing and that they would never go to something so cringy. Those are the same people who will become social climbers, and they were never going to be your friends anyway. You never know who you could meet at these places. Worst-case scenario, you wasted one night of many more to come.
Be ready for rejection. Even if you approach someone with the kindest smile and sweetest of intentions, they may not be receptive for whatever reason. This reason is none of your business and should not concern you. Leave this interaction knowing that you tried your best to make a new friend, and pity this other person for their warped sense of self. Trust me, it helps.
Stop feeling as though your presence is a burden and talking with you is a waste of people’s time. You have the right to take up space in a social setting, both physically and verbally.
There is no guarantee that you will be given the respect you deserve from everyone, but the people who recognize your personality will see you for who you are. These are your potential new friends.
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