Picture this:
You are walking down Comm. Ave when, suddenly, your thong is out of place – you fidget with your legs to naturally re-position it… you fail. You must pick that wedgie, immediately.
You are walking down Comm. Ave when, suddenly, your jeans feel tight around your thighs, your bra is driving you crazy, your belt suffocates you, and those heels – no words can explain the pain you feel… You fantasize, if only I were naked!
You are walking down Comm. Ave when, suddenly, in the midst of a cruel girl-drama story you get the urge to belt out your best evil laugh – somehow, you manage to control yourself.
What do these three scenarios have in common?
Besides the fact that they all take place on Comm. Ave, they are all examples of things you wish were deemed socially acceptable – why can’t you pick a wedgie without being gross? Why can’t you walk around naked if that’s how humans are born in the first place? Why can’t you be weird in public?
That’s just the tip of the iceberg my friends! Here are seven things I wish were socially acceptable:
1. Spontaneously breaking into song : Guilty. I absolutely love musicals. Don’t you wish you could just roam on green meadows singing “Bet On It” like Zac Efron (High School Musical 2) when you’re having a bad day? Or reveal your love to your crush like Olivia Newton and John Travolta with “You’re The One That I Want” (Grease)? And why not pose a challenge via your dulcet tones like Catherine Zeta Jones with “Hit Me With Your Best Shot”(Rock of Ages)?
2. Doing an awkward Pilates exercise at the FitRec: Exercising in front of people is already something awkward in itself. Let’s face it, your make-up is all over the place, your hair is a mess, if you’re lucky you can at the very least balance it out with cute workout clothes. Add on a bizarre-hyperextended-crossfit-lunge-arc-enhancer-that-fortifies-your-quads and people will start staring. The worst part is that most of the exercises that produce the best results happen to be exactly those.
3. Stalking a hot guy: You see the hottest guy on campus leaving the T… and you’re not allowed to follow him!? What if he’s the one!? He was on the T at the exact same time as you, the exact line, got in at the same stop, you’re really going to tell me this isn’t gods workings? That this isn’t fate? What if he gets off that stop and you never see him again? What’s so wrong about following him, maybe waiting for him to answer a phone call so you can figure out his name, then stalk him on Facebook, maybe check to see if you can find his address or, at least, email… a strand of hair for DNA? Ok fine, at least let me take a picture to cross-check him with all the guys in the yearbook and BU clubs.
4. Eating a banana: I’ve witnessed so many of my friends purchasing a banana at the GSU, placing it discreetly in their backpacks, and flashing an innocent smile, “I’m saving this for later”. The sad truth is that this “later” refers to “when I’m safe in my room and nobody can see me eating a banana”. When did eating a banana become awkward? Oh yeah, when “Banana University” happened. The Facebook page, in which students post pictures of other students eating bananas, has led to a sharp decline in public banana noms. Let me eat my overly-charged-GSU-purchased fruit in peace (and in public)!
5. Showing off your new lacy underwear: We can all relate on this one. You spend dollars on the cutest hot pink lacy, polka-dotted, underwear with black bows, silk ribbons, and no one is supposed to see it? It’s not even about the money; it’s just too cute to be kept hidden from the world!
6. Flaunting a good grade: After spending hours studying for that exam for that one class you considered dropping, after giving up your social life in exchange for writing flash cards, and after breaking down as you walk out of your exam, you’re handed back your grade – an A. And you’re not allowed to tell all your classmates because you’ll sound snobby, or nerdy, or just plain rude? Not ok.
7. Flirting with your cute professor during lecture: Ah yes. We’ve all given dirty looks at that one girl who sits on the front row and bats her eyelashes giggling at the cute professor’s not-so-funny joke. But let’s admit it, we all wish we were in her shoes; we just don’t want to be given dirty looks. If flirting with your professor were socially acceptable, I’d be the first to bring my him an apple – trust me.