There are a few things women can just agree on: we want equal pay, we want more women in politics, and we want less creepy men hitting on us. Now I’m not talking about getting catcalled—although that’s awful—I’m talking about full on conversations between two parties where one person is trying to get the other’s number. Sometimes it’s nice—the guy is nice, you’re available, and it’s an appropriate situation. Other times you’re just waiting in the doctor’s office to get UTI meds and some guy decides now is the moment to strike. Here are the worst places to pick up women, ranked.
10) The Gym
This is really a toss up; on the one hand if you think I’m cute when I look like the elliptical just murdered me, you clearly must value personality, which is nice. On the other hand if you’re trying to teach me how to lift/talk about lifting/bring up that you lift, I am so uninterested it’s comical.
9) At CVS While Buying Tampons
What about me buying tampons would make you think I want to be hit on? Let me just shop for my overly taxed tampons in peace.
Those of you at BU you know this one. West, Warren or Stuvi elevators may seem like great places to get the conversation flowing, but there’s no way to escape if it’s super uncomfortable. See also: Airplanes.
You might be thinking, “but she’ll be sad and emotional and I will be nice.” No. No one at a funeral is looking to start a new relationship. It’s not just creepy but it’s also rude.
6) While She’s With Her Parents
It’s embarrassing for you, it’s embarrassing for her, and it’s embarrassing for everyone. No parent wants to see their daughter get hit on and no daughter wants to awkwardly reflect advances in front of her parents.
5) At A Gas Station
This is especially bad if you’re offering to do something for her and implying she knows nothing about cars. I know nothing about cars but do not want to hear from you.
4) Uber Ride
Especially if you are the driver! I get into every Uber just hoping my driver doesn’t kill me, so don’t start hitting on me because I’ll be afraid that if I turn you down I’ll end up dead.
3) At The Holocaust Remembrance Museum
Similar to a funeral this is both rude and inappropriate. Remembrance museums and monuments are universally inappropriate. The only reason this isn’t number one is because hopefully the friend of mine this happened to was the only one who experienced this.
2) A Potluck Hosted At Your Professor’s House When He Has A Daughter In High School
I feel like this one is self-explanatory. If you’re talking to a girl and you don’t recognize her, it’s probably not because she sat in the back of class and probably because she’s your professor’s sixteen-year-old daughter. Think about how you’ll feel knowing that not only did you hit on your professor’s daughter, but she was also underage.
1) The waiting room of a therapist office
This happened to me. I will not say where because #confidentiality, but I was just waiting, filling out some forms on my feelings, when this boy decides now was the perfect time to start a quirky rom com. No. Literally zero percent of me wants to be picked up at my Therapist’s office.
No matter where you are, context is key. What may seem like an innocent location can quickly turn awkward if you seem creepy. The most important rule of pick-ups remains: If she is wearing headphones she does not want to talk to you. Unless I am on fire, something close to me is on fire, or I am about to die, do not talk to me when I am wearing headphones. No matter what any men’s magazine may say.