10 Things We All Do in the Shower

With amazing acoustics and a shower head that can double as a microphone, the shower is the perfect place to get things done. Here are 10 things we all undeniably do in the shower:


1. Play out scenarios in your head

And let’s be honest here, these never go the way you want them to in real life. Me: *confessing my love to my crush, but also just talking to the shower curtains* Me again (as crush): “Wow I’ve been feeling this way all along too!”


2. Leave in the conditioner while you wash your body

I don’t know which genius came up with the theory that leaving the conditioner in your hair while you wash your body magically makes your hair that much softer, but I want to personally thank him or her because that’s a science no one can top.


3. Pee!

As the wise intellectual Jenna Marbles once said, “there are two types of people in this world: people that pee in the shower, and liars.” Don’t try to deny it, this is a safe space, I promise.


4. School Work

Okay so this might only be me, but do you ever create a whole outline in your head for an essay you have to write or present to the water faucet because you’ve been stressing about an assignment for weeks and decided that while the conditioner sits in your hair, now would be as good a time as any. Then you end up taking a fifty-minute shower when you could have just sat down on your desk and studied for fifteen minutes. But you know, what’s a shower without a quick study session?


5. Adjust the water temperature a bazillion times, until it’s just right

There’s that certain point in your shower, where the heat level of the water just isn't as good as when your shower first started, so you have to readjust the slightest bit, but then it gets too hot, so you take it down a notch and it’s too cold, and you basically have to accept that 50% of your shower time is battling with the water faucet.


6. Pretend you’re in a horror movie

Ah, the classic shower movie scene: a women’s shadow is seen on the curtains, a wide angle shot of her gracefully washing her hair, she hears a noise and whips open the curtains, but alas no one is there, a few seconds later she’s murdered and things get pretty gruesome. There is a reason I don’t close my eyes in the shower, and horror movie characters need to know that it is 100% possible to wash your hair without having your whole damn face tilted up and right under the showerhead.


7. Wash away your sins

Yes, I know that taking a nice hot shower won’t cleanse my soul after the lie I told my mom this morning about where I was. No, I will not pretend like that lush scrub didn't just cure me of my sins.


8. Have an existential crisis

And again, there really is no better time to contemplate dropping out of school or just generally pondering the evolutionary crisis of the egg and the chicken, and if any of that even matters because what is the significance of human existence if we don’t even have a purpose in life, and should we even have a purpose in life or is our very purpose to simply exist and trying to find purpose means we’ve lost track of that very purpose. Anyways…


9. Realize it’s been half an hour and you still haven’t even gotten to shampoo

And then having to rush the rest of your shower because you know you’re screwed with this month’s water bills.


10. Do a little dance

Your favorite 80’s music playlist is playing, and your hair smells like vanilla. It’s time to celebrate.


Who knew that 15 minutes under running water would lead to great scientific revelations, produce horror movies, teach you a little bit about life, and somehow turn into the most productive you’ve been with school work? It’s also that handful of minutes in a day you get completely to yourself so never compromise that time! Now go take a shower, you stink!


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