Unfortunately, you or someone close to you will experience a breakup during your time in college. Whether it’s parting ways with a high school sweetheart or ending a short-lived romance with someone you were determined was “the one”, breakups are tough. Living in a dorm adds an extra layer of difficulty because privacy is limited, and on top of that, there is so much going on. It can feel overwhelming to juggle classes, assignments, social life, and now, of course, the break up! Sadly, there is no real “cheat code” to forge your way through a breakup in college; you have to feel all the feels and go through the motions even when it’s the last thing you want to do. Trust me, I recently went through it too, and it wasn’t easy. That being said, here are five ways to make this process a little easier.
- BLOCK THEM!
A lot of people hear this one and roll their eyes. Trust me, if there is one piece of advice you take from this, it should be this one! The last thing you need when going through a separation with someone is to be checking up on them. Yes, I mean on Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, their phone number, and whatever else you can possibly think of, bye-bye! This doesn’t have to mean actually “blocking” them; it could mean unfollowing, unadding, etc. My point is, get them off your phone. Sadly, when you are in that headspace after a breakup, you do not have as much willpower as you think you do. You will check what they’re doing. The only thing that is going to come out of this is getting your feelings hurt and then setting you back days or even weeks in your healing journey. Take it from me, BLOCK THEM!
- DO NOT BREAK NO CONTACT
We are creatures of habit. Going from talking to someone every day to not at all sounds like the most painful thing you can possibly imagine. I get it. But you will thank yourself later. Breaking the attachment as soon as you can is the best thing you can do for yourself. Going back and forth with this person after breaking up with them seldom leads to anything positive. As cliche as it sounds, if it is meant to be, it will be. Two weeks after a breakup is not the time to try and rekindle the relationship, or even to sit down and discuss what happened between the two of you. You need your space, and quite frankly, so do they. The hardest part can be if they reach out; the urge to respond is always going to be there. DO. NOT. RESPOND. You will get through it, I promise.
- GET UP, GET OUT!
Initially, you are going to want to lay in bed and cry, watch New Girl, and cry some more. This is completely normal! BUT, you can only do that for so long. Your mood is greatly affected by your lifestyle and your environment. At some point, you have to get up. Sadly, the world waits for no one. Go to class, go get coffee with your friends, and go for a walk. Alone time is good for healing, but so is being around people who care about you. If the breakup is the last thing you want to talk about, say to your friends, “Hey, I really need to get out of my dorm this afternoon. Could we go for a walk?” Make sure to let them know you do not want to discuss the separation. They will understand. Your riends will want to help you through your healing process. And even after all that, there are always other resources on campus if you need to talk to someone who isn’t closely related to you. Get up, get out; you will thank me later.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Like I said before, getting out of bed and getting back into a routine is a huge part of this, but there is more. Treat yourself with kindness. Don’t get down on yourself; everything you are feeling is normal. Treat yourself and have a self-care day. Read a good book and write in a journal about everything you’re feeling. Buy yourself a new outfit and try a new restaurant. These things might all seem insignificant, but taking care of yourself and learning to be at peace with the situation, as well as being at peace with being alone, is a huge part of your healing journey. Personally, I used to not be able to sit in a room alone without wanting to cry, and now my alone time is some of my favorite. Watching a show, doing a facemask, reorganizing my dresser drawers—the list goes on. Find something that relaxes you while at the same time keeping your mind engaged and not thinking negative thoughts.
- REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE
At the end of the day, you are the most important person in your life. Your health (mental and physical) and well-being should be the center of your focus, especially when you are healing. HEALING IS NOT LINEAR! Say it out loud: healing is NOT linear. You might have a day (or even a week) when you are doing awesome and you think you are in the clear, and then suddenly you may get hit with all of these negative emotions all over again. Once again, this is normal, and once again, you have to let yourself feel all the feelings. Good days and bad days will happen; keep your head up. Remember what and who you believe in. Find good in small things and respect others around you. You have no idea what someone else is going through, even when you are going through something yourself.
After all that, one day you will be in the clear. Everyone is different. Some people heal much quicker than others. Never compare yourself to anyone else, especially when it comes to your healing journey. The other side is amazing, and you too will get there. It may seem impossible at the moment, but one day you will look back and be amazed by yourself and your progress. See you on the other side!