The Night Of:
So, you bring a boy back to your room, and you’re totally aware of what that implies. After you do the dirty you realize that you just hate sharing the bed, or you just hate him, it doesn’t really matter. It’s time to make a plan to get him out before he gets too cozy and passes out in your bed. Here are a few tips to save some bed space and your dignity before you have a full blown lingerer.
1. Pretend to be Sick
We don’t think anything could get a guy out faster than pretending to barf in the bathroom. When he starts to get cuddly, run to the bathroom saying “I’m gonna be sick!” Now, this opens up the risk of having him tell people that you *embarrassingly* blew chunks, but we don’t think he would want to admit that he slept with a girl and then she almost immediately threw up.
2. Say You Have to Help a Friend
Have your roomie or friend on call to be your out. Politely excuse yourself to the bathroom and text him or her to call you ASAP with a problem. “Oh my gosh, Bridget just always gets too drunk and now I have to go save her from the townhouses. So annoying!” While you frantically try to get ready, tell him that you’ll text him tomorrow, and then just pretend that your phone didn’t save his number.
3. Offer to Buy Ronzio’s
“Gosh what a work out, I could really go for a slice of bacon mac.” Hopefully he’ll just leave and obsess over you while you nonchalantly blow him off feeling like Beyonce. If not, then invite him along, while you’re eating pizza, being judged by everyone inside, tell him that you’re super tired and that you’ll text him later in life. Works like a charm, and you also get pizza.
4. Start Crying
This might be the best way to get a boy out of your room, but it also could work as a test to see if he could be boyfriend material. If you start crying about how you miss your dog and he gets all awkward, give him a small out by saying something like “Oh gosh, I just want to be alone.” If he comforts you like a sweetheart, kick him out anyway or let him stay the night awhh.
The Next Day:
So, the cuddling wasn’t terrible and you let him sleep over. The morning after you hates drunk you, but it’s okay. The previous night wasn’t terrible, but you definitely need to move on with your day, or just lay in bed with Netflix. You can debate the pros and cons of dating him later, but as of now, he just needs to get out. Don’t worry about it, we can help you here, too.
5. Say You Have Work
Classic, but it works for a reason. When you two so lovingly wake up, hungover and a little disgraced, just tell him that you have to be somewhere in half an hour and get ready. He would have to be kind of crazy to force you to stay (call DPS please). He’ll either leave right away, or leave when you leave. SO just walk towards FSC or the Uni and hope for the best.
6. Offer Some Help
Super polite, especially if he doesn’t make you want transfer. Similar to saying you have work, just say “Where do you live, I could walk you back on my way to Salmo?” That lets him know that you’re sweet, but definitely can’t imagine spending breakfast with him.
7. You’re Parents are Coming to Visit
One of our fave ways to get him out is to play the parent card. It makes him think of commitment and high school where you had to meet each other’s parents before even dating. He’ll probably get super uncomfortable, but if not then make him uncomfortable. Tell him that they would love him, or pretend that you’re a daddy’s girl and that you dad is also ex-military. Either way he’ll probably being eyeing the door waiting to leave.
8. Say “I love you!”
Ballsy to say the least, but we’re 99% sure that he’ll want to leave immediately. Nobody is attracted to an overly-clingy girl. When he wakes up, just stare lovingly at him and say something along the lines of “Wow, most boys don’t stay the night, this means that you must be ‘the one’!” Then, watch the horror in his eyes as he scrambles for excuses and tries to leave. Bye forever!