We all know that One Direction is typically thought to cater towards a young audience. They’re prime targets for “tween” fans- whatever that even means. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, they’ve got some seriously catchy music for even college students- “Stockholm Syndrome”, anyone? There are even some actual grownups that consider themselves fans! And even though we aren’t hormonal 13 year olds, we can still find Harry Styles and his man bun attractive, can’t we?
So if you are a college student with the musical taste of a child, here are the 8 types of people you’re going to meet at a One Direction Concert.
1. Crying girls. They come in all shapes and sizes, but are most common between the ages of 10 and 15. The second the lights go down, you’ll hear their wails of… joy? admiration? overwhelming obsession? No one really knows why they’re crying, but it’s making their pink and blue Claire’s eyeshadow run.
2. Mall rats. You know the type, huge groups of adolescent girls that you typically see hanging out in the mall food court because they’re too young to work, and can’t actually afford to go shopping. They’ve abandoned the mall for the night, and are running around the concert venue in groups of 10. They probably all threw fits until two parents with minivans agreed to drop them all off. They also made matching shirts which are ~really cool~.
3. Poor schmucks dropping their daughters off. These are the parents of said mall rats. They somehow thought it would be a good idea to drop their 13 year old and her friends off and let them ruin everyone’s nights. We pity them because they sat through hours of traffic and don’t even get to gaze upon the beauty that is Harry Styles. Which is a shame, really.
4. Harried mothers. These are the smarter version of the poor schmucks, who had the sense to attend the concert with their daughters. You’ll see them trying to smuggle snacks into the stadium, and dragging their girls to the bathroom so they won’t have to go during the show. They’re probably running after an overexcited tween, or trying to calm a crying 7 year old, looking like they’re going to cry themselves. Being middle aged has never seemed so terrible.
5. Drunk moms. Some parents just didn’t think they would survive the night without a couple of beers. They couldn’t care less about the show, and are only there because their daughter is too young to be a mall rat. They figured that if they’re going to sit through the screaming and crying of 50,000 tweens, they might as well have a buzz to carry them through. You’ll probably look at them with grudging admiration knowing that this will be you in 20 years.
6. Stoic dads. They’re there because their wives are pretending to have a book club meeting. They don’t know any of One Direction’s songs, and call the boys “Larry”, “Leon”, “the one with the long hair”, and “that Irish kid”. Be careful not to look into their eyes: you’ll find a broken man lost in desperation.
7. Dads who totally love One Direction. They not only know every word to “What Makes You Beautiful,” but will be caught singing along to even the more obscure songs that were never radio singles. They pretended to be disappointed when their daughters asked them to come to the concert, but were secretly thrilled. Their daughters are rolling their eyes with embarrassment, but super fan dad doesn’t care. You go, super fan dad.
8. People your own age. These are fellow young adults who are above the age of 16, but aren’t dragging children around after them. They are far and few between, and come in varying degrees of fangirl. You’ll walk past them and give them a look of solidarity, and silently wish them luck in the battle against the teeny boppers.