Is having a boyfriend embarrassing? This question, on everyone’s minds after Chanté Joseph’s opinion article in Vogue, is one answered primarily through a look at social media discourse and trends, phenomena that sway public opinion greatly in 2026. There are nearly infinite ways to answer it, each responding to, retaliating against, and building on existing opinions. The notion that having a boyfriend is embarrassing is but one response to a centuries-old discussion of love, gender roles, and feminism. A discussion, it must be noted, heavily steeped in heterosexual normativity.
To pull one thread from the clunky public discourse, the 2020s have seen a rise in “traditional wives” (AKA, trad wives) content on social media, women like Nara Smith and Hannah Neeleman (Ballerina Farm) selling a conventional image of domesticity. They cook wholesome meals, clean up after their kids, and dress modestly, conforming to stereotypical gender roles on screen, despite being the breadwinners behind the scenes. This trend is just one among many that center around women taking the passenger seat to men.
Naturally, in response, arises a heated debate over the implications of promoting such conventional lifestyles to young audiences, especially regarding feminism and women’s independence. The effort to renounce such lifestyles and to defy the stereotypical gender roles and values they depict carries ideological opponents to the other end of the spectrum: not only is it degrading to center your life around providing for a man, but it’s embarrassing to even be tied to one through a romantic relationship.
The question is, does this sentiment pervade daily life? On the regular, are women embarrassed by their relationships? Do they avoid entering new relationships out of shame? Do they avoid talking to their friends about their boyfriends?
On the whole, I would say no, everyday women are not embarrassed to have a boyfriend. Yet, it’s a complex subject. Most women would, for example, shy away from publicly sharing that their boyfriend is controlling or that they bear the brunt of domestic responsibilities. This is both to preserve an image of independence as well as to conform to modern relationship ideals, which are, on the surface, shaped by notions of female empowerment.
As someone with a boyfriend, I do sometimes make a conscious effort to avoid over-talking about my boyfriend; I don’t want to be annoying about the fact that I’m in a relationship. As author Stephanie Yeboah puts it, “especially when we know the dating landscape is really bad at the moment… I wouldn’t want to be boastful.”
Joseph makes a good point in her Vogue article: while there are still social benefits to glean from being “cuffed,” being “boyfriend-obsessed” is another issue that comes across as “culturally loser-ish.” Women feel that there’s nothing wrong with having a boyfriend, but obnoxiously and overtly making him the center of their world is an archetype that most want to avoid (read more here).
In her article “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?”, Joseph discusses “soft-launch” culture and influencers covering their boyfriends in social media posts as signs of boyfriend-shame. Yet, I think these examples fail to make the point Joseph intends. Quite the opposite, it seems that women have fun showing off that they have a boyfriend, yet relish the mystery and intrigue that come with keeping him a secret. After all, if they were truly embarrassed, they wouldn’t post him at all.
As one Substack writer puts it, “We claim it’s cringe, but we’re all posting male hands on steering wheels and shadows behind plates at restaurants. We’re not rejecting romance, we’re just rebranding it.” She discusses the public relations aspect of posting a partner on social media, claiming “public love [has become] a liability.” More worrisome than having a boyfriend is the fact that women are forced to take responsibility for the behavior of their significant other; “We don’t even mock the man anymore, we mock the woman who trusted him.” So, while having a boyfriend isn’t necessarily embarrassing alone, the fact that your boyfriend could potentially act in ways embarrassing to your public image is a threat in itself.
Especially in youth, there will always be some allure and excitement about relationships within popular culture, even through other cultural shifts. People on either end of the spectrum may embody more extreme opinions, but it seems to me that this is more online discourse than actual sentiment. Another HerCampus writer puts it perfectly: “Having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing for the same reason that being single isn’t embarrassing, because your relationship status has absolutely no correlation to your worth.” Though a hot topic of discussion, there’s no need to worry about the social worth of your relationship status one way or another. Ultimately, the conversation says more about shifting cultural narratives than it does about individual worth, leaving room for people to define relationships on their own terms.