Dear Blueno 2071: “I miss my friends. I miss Brown. I miss Blueno. I just wish this had never happened.”
This is a sentiment that ubiquitously resonates with us. On March 12th, all Brown undergraduates received the dreaded email from Christina Paxson informing us that we would have to move out of our dorms and transition to remote learning in response to the continued spread of novel coronavirus. After a week of utter pandemonium, a plethora of emails describing the “extraordinary circumstances,” and tearful goodbyes, the transition seemed to be complete. Although I was certainly upset, I cannot imagine the heartbreak of the seniors who had their last semester on campus cut short in such an abrupt manner. Though, why was it so hard for us freshmen, who had spent just 6 months at college, to say goodbye?
For most of us, college is about much more than learning. It’s a place where we first take charge of our lives and make decisions for ourselves. It’s a place where many of us will find the best friends we’ve ever had or maybe even true love and a happily ever after. It’s a place where we feel safe, loved and accepted for exactly who we are. It’s a place where we get a fresh start and create new identities for ourselves.These are our “college years” – filled with transformation, growth, friendships, and memories that will last us a lifetime.
The most painful part of having to leave college so suddenly was lamenting what could have been. A few extra weeks to nurture that friendship you made at the start of the semester. A couple more days to sit on the Main Green and relish the surprisingly warm Providence weather. An athletic season you trained so hard for that will never see the light of the day. The countdown to Spring Weekend, to Commencement, to Reunion Weekend.
Tagging close behind the ‘what could have been’s are the ‘what if’s. What if we spent an extra hour with our friends instead of in the Rock now that we will not be able to see them for five months? What if we spent more time outdoors now that we can no longer bask in the beauty of Brown’s campus? What if we’d been more social or more enthusiastic or joined more clubs or studied more or partied more? What if? We’ll never know.
I miss my friends. I even miss the Rock, the Sci Li, and the John Hay’s pin-drop silence. I miss Keeney and wandering for hours on weekends trying to find a half-decent party. I miss my sorority and my sisters and Goddard’s beautiful lounge. I miss the V Dub’s chicken finger Fridays, Ivy’s naanwich, Andrew’s pasta night and Jo’s deep-fried everything. I miss the satisfaction of working seven to eight hours of the day and spending some of the best nights of my life with my best friends right after. But most of all, I miss the feeling of being a “college student.” Doesn’t it seem like a privilege now?
The next few months are undoubtedly going to be strange for us. It all still seems too surreal for me- it was never meant to be this way. But we are now faced with a choice. We can wade in our own sorrows, or we can be grateful for what was and excited for what is going to be. May we never take for granted in-person lectures, a fun mixer, 100+ people gatherings, or even a tight hug. May we cherish and really live every second of our college lives. If for no one else, we should live for our seniors who didn’t get the end to their college experience that they deserved.
How lucky were we, really, to have something that made saying goodbye so hard?