Female rivalry. We’ve all experienced it at one point or another.
It might have been that look in the bathroom mirror as you applied make-up, or someone giving you the eye as you walk into a classroom late; scrutinising you with just one, little look. Whatever you may have experienced, it seems that girls’ relationships come hand in hand with some good old fashioned competitiveness (and there ain’t no hiding from it).
As women, we seem to accept an unmentioned rule that we should be jealous of the other woman. She’s prettier, more successful and not to mention slimmer… Another woman’s success or strengths are just another reason to wish gleefully that she would topple down from her ivory tower. It’s no coincidence that the word “frenemy” was invented.
So why do so many women tear each other down rather than lifting each other up? Why is it that from a very young age we are taught to hate rather than celebrate another girls’ achievements, taught that we should be competing with one another, because well, we have no idea how else to behave around successful women.
Well, I think I’ve found the root of the problem: Gossip. Those words that just trickle out of our mouths and into other women’s ears. It might seem like a few, harmless moments but it is these vicious utterances that transform our relationships into something far more malicious and cruel. We spend so much time talking about one another that we spend very little time actually focusing on the good qualities, or rather rejoicing in the fact one of our friends have just done really, really well.
Coco Chanel vs Elsa Schiaparelli
(Photo Credit: Boris Lipnitzki/Roger-Viollet; Friedrich Baker/Corbis)
Take a quick look back into history with me for a second:
Mary, Queen of Scots, was a right pain in the side of Queen Elizabeth I throughout both of their lives, until Elizabeth took the ultimate irritated-sister step and had Mary beheaded. Yikes. Further forward, Coco Chanel spent much of her career in a fierce fashion rivalry with Elsa Schiaparelli (Chanel once “accidentally” set Schiaparelli on fire). Joan Crawford and Bette Davis vied outrageously for the role of premier diva of their generation.
You see this isn’t a new problem. In fact, it’s been around for so long we have just accepted it as totally and utterly normal.
This kind of rivalry is especially prevalent now within the celebrity stratosphere. Look at the likes of Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose. Both big female figures in the media and yet what do the newspapers pick up on in the spat with Kanye? The fact that the women are in some form of feud. It’s a tragic reality that we are engrossed by the pitting of women against each other.
It’s important to remind yourself that your own success is not relative to others. Whilst some relationships can be toxic, it’s vital that we don’t immediately assume that as women, we can’t just help each other with no meddling intentions.
Let’s not forget what an important part of feminism female empowerment is: If we’re not helping each other, who is?