Valentine’s Day is rolling around again, which means so are the endless Instagram posts of what feels like everyone you know touting their relationships to the world. A mere five-minute scroll answers all the questions you’ve spent months wondering – who’s still in a relationship? Who’s broken up? Who’s in a new relationship? But the real question is why is it on Valentine’s Day that suddenly everyone feels the overwhelming need to share their relationships online? Is it truly an expression of love or is it just performance?
Before we get into that, let’s quickly recap the history of Valentine’s Day and why it has been dubbed the romantic day of the year. The day is named after Saint Valentine, a martyr from the 3rd century who was put to death on February 14th. His association with love stems from the fact he secretly performed Christian marriages in a time when marriage was banned.
The consumerist origins of Valentine’s, however, don’t date back as far as the 3rd century. The sending of cards originated in the 18th century but only became a widespread phenomenon in the 1950s with the rise of consumerism. It was at this point in time that Valentine’s Day largely existed in the private sphere; since expressions of love stayed within couples, the holiday seemed to be truly about romance. Now, with all these public displays of love on social media, is Valentine’s still only about romance?
It feels as though social media has taken away some of the authenticity of Valentine’s Day; something which was once intimate and private is now everyone’s business. Hard launches, matching posts and captions, and photos of gifts and nice dinners feel inescapable. I’m sure all of these seemingly curated displays are underpinned by love, but it may also be driven by the pressure to post about your relationship simply because everyone else is. The mere existence of social media has brought a performative aspect to Valentine’s Day, meaning grand gestures such as fancy restaurants, big bouquets of flowers, and expensive gifts are being posted everywhere. These things do not necessarily equate to love or effort; they are something which can be shown off to an online audience. It’s important to keep in mind that there are plenty of ways to prove your love to your partner outside the spotlight of social media.
Chante Joseph’s article in Vogue ‘Is having a boyfriend embarrassing?’ gained a lot of traction as it resonated with those who are fed up of seeing people post nothing but their relationships on social media. People feel as though it is unnecessary and even cringe to post your boyfriend everywhere, and this stretches into how people feel about Valentine’s Day. Joseph’s article represents the view of some that relationships are most romantic when they are kept private, rather than performed for followers. As I’m sure we will see on Valentine’s Day, not everyone thinks this.
This does not, however, mean that the romantic aspect of Valentine’s Day has completely disappeared. There is something special about having a day dedicated to expressing your love to your partner and spending time with one another. Although, for many, Valentine’s Day is something that is celebrated on social media, it doesn’t mean it has to be for everyone. It can certainly be celebrated completely in private, like it was before the invention of social media, without the world knowing who you’re dating, what flowers they bought you, and where they took you for dinner.
Valentine’s Day may seem more performative than it once was, but this does not mean it has lost all meaning. It is still a day that can and should be used to celebrate love, whether it be with your partner, your friends, or your family.