Situationships: the ever talked about relationships without security that run wild across university and beyond. They are so often treated like an entertaining ‘rite of passage’ during university life and can last a matter of weeks to even years, ranging in intensity. Whether you were hook up buddies once a month or with each other 24/7 with no label, it can cause serious stress, pain and anxiety for either one or both of those involved.
You may not even realise you’re in a situationship until further down the line when you realise you’re checking snap maps every 5 seconds and can’t help but ponder on the what ifs? (the hopeless romantics can relate). While some can emotionally detach from these situations in the short term, it’s ultimately unhealthy for your wellbeing in the long run.
So, here are some top tips to help you navigate yourself and boost your self-worth after the all-encompassing situationship has FINALLY ended.
- Cut off all connection
We’re coming in harsh at first as I can’t stress enough the value of this in allowing you to actually gain closure. By cutting off all connection with the person, whether that’s unfollowing them, deleting their number or muting their location (this one is a god-send), it removes any temptation for you to scroll through their feed and sob to Olivia Rodrigo. This will allow you to forget about it all so much quicker, preventing unnecessary pain and the late night paragraph asking to restart it (we’ve all considered it).
2. Listen to empowering playlists and podcasts
Music and podcasts are a brilliant way to disconnect from reality and allow you to relax and find joy again! My top music recommendations would include Olivia Dean’s Messy album that deserves all of its hype. Her silky smooth vocals and soft backing tracks are so therapeutic at any time of the day, with many of her songs carrying empowering messages of being true to yourself and not putting up with constant relationship confusion. Beyonce’s Renaissance album is also up there – if strutting down the street to Alien Superstar doesn’t skyrocket your confidence, I don’t know what will. Podcasts that offer valuable advice on emotionally progressing and reconnecting with yourself include The Psychology of your 20s and Date Yourself Instead, which have short enough episodes and acted like the older sister I needed at the time.
3. Reconnect with your hobbies and interests
This is so important in helping you to rebuild your self-worth and confidence through dedicating time to activities that you love – whether that’s sport, cooking, reading, socialising or even napping! I prioritised my love for theatre and got into a play with DramSoc that was the perfect distraction from my emotional overload and gave me something to look forward to every day. This will do wonders for your wellbeing as you seek moments of positivity and enjoyment rather than dwelling on the breakdown of the situationship.
4. Surround yourself with people that make you happy
This one is a given for protecting your mental health during the healing process when you can often feel emotionally vulnerable. This may be your family (either online or in-person), your flatmates, course friends or even pets! Even a phone call with a friend from home can transform your mood for the rest of the day, as they can be there to listen to your current worries but also act as the external voice of reason to ensure you realise the toxicity of it all! Immersing yourself with those that add to your day rather than detract from it, will help bring back your uniqueness, nerve and talent! (I couldn’t help but reference Ru Paul’s Drag Race… a MAJOR serotonin boost of mine!)
5. Be KIND to yourself!
Overall, you must be kind to yourself throughout this emotional burden. Be assured that so many others go through very similar romantic ‘situations’ that lack the commitment and love you deserve. Even if it feels in the moment like you’re the unluckiest in love, you’re really not the only one! The healing process is different for every single person and whether it takes a couple of days, weeks or even over a year to fully get over this person, know that by following some of these tips, you are gradually adding the building blocks to a future of greater happiness and healthier relationships!
So exhale and dance during this blip of uncertainty as you will survive, as wonderfully put by Gloria Gaynor!