To me, break-ups can on one hand be such a trivial problem, yet all-consuming in the loss you feel when your significant other turns into a stranger. I’ve done my fair share of messing up relationships, but this time I had very little sway over being able to patch things up. It was a simple case of him wanting different things to what I wanted in a relationship, and this little tension started to build up into confusion and resentment towards one another. Managing to call things off before we completely hated each other saved us from a huge fall out, but it also meant that there is still a lot of love and compassion that we feel despite being separated. As a result, I’m left in no man’s land of missing him, wondering if there was something more I could have done, which only leaves me feeling very inadequate.
Naturally, the few weeks following a break up are always pretty dark. I’ve struggled with thoughts of ‘am I not good enough?’ and ‘why couldn’t I make it work?’. Confidence seems to collapse, and sometimes it’s just hard to get up in the mornings. This has been my experience anyway, but something that lifts me up and gives me a better kick than coffee to get on with my day is watching Queer Eye. I did this with the first two seasons after my last break-up, and the third season has come around just in time.
It’s hard not to be uplifted by the fab 5’s energy, empathy and compassion – even through a screen. At first I would constantly think to myself, ‘I wish I could be as happy and lively as them’. However, through the conversations with the guests on the show, you realise that their lives weren’t always as happy and free as they make themselves out to be. They are quick to talk about the problems they faced as gay men coming out in their different religious and cultural backgrounds. Furthermore, depression and poverty were also features of some of their younger lives. Knowing all this only makes their positivity and success more admirable.
What they do for the lives of those who are in a bit of a rut is even more inspiring though. In only a week are they able to massively transform the confidence and personas of those they meet, just because they see these humans for all their worth and the potential that they have. In the struggling people we see, there is a commonality that links us all. As humans, we suffer regardless of how privileged our lives are. People come and go, and circumstances change. To see those who have dealt a tough hand in life change and become empowered, we realise that we can do the same for ourselves too. Watching queer eye has made me realise that I don’t need to do everything for someone else. I don’t need to wear nice clothes or makeup because I’m meeting a guy, and I don’t need to tidy my room or make nice food because I know someone will be visiting me. Queer Eye reminds you that it’s important to do this for yourself too. As people, we can often be our own worst enemies when we should be our own best friends. Through this break-up, I’ve tidied my room like I never have this whole uni year, I’m wearing classier clothes and perfecting my winged eyeliner, I’m delving into cooking books and taking myself out for coffee or dinner dates – alone. The best part of it all is that the energy and love I would have put into someone else is being put into me. Queer Eye reminds us that to live happily, you have to come to terms with the fact that the only life you live is in your body, as you (although this is up for discussion when it comes to reincarnation – but you get me!).
So thank you Queer Eye, for introducing me to 5 resilient gay men, and many other people who are constant examples of how our lives can change when we actually become our own best friend.