Ellie Softley discusses her website SHAG (sexual health and growth); “a safe space where you can develop, explore and learn creatively about your own relationship with sex.”
The average person thinks about sex 14 times a day. This means that sex is an integral part of our lives. It makes us do and say crazy things. It drives us forward and is the very beginning of our existence. Sex helps you to explore a secret part inside of you that is awakened when you hit puberty. It opens up doors in you (literally) that you weren’t even sure existed. I believe that sex is part of who we are.
This summer, sex became a big part of my life. I found myself speaking about it with my friends a lot. I found myself having it a lot, and I also found myself learning about it a lot. As a human I probably speak a bit too openly about things in general, apparently asking someone when the last time they orgasmed was, was a bit too much for a first meeting. I have always felt so lucky to grow up in an environment where sex is spoken about so freely and I know where to go if I need help or advice. I started to have big group discussions with my friends about sex and sexual health. We would spend hours talking about sex. Boys and girls. We spoke about anal, bad experiences at sexual health clinics, awkward encounters with parents and consent. Our conversations were so easy because we weren’t scaring each other with herpes horror stories. We were actually learning about our bodies, normalising sex and feeling more comfortable in our own skin. It was also important that these conversations were between boys and girls, giving each other advice and tips for the next time they had sex. I have always spoken to my friends about sex, my best friend taught me how to give a blowjob on a banana one lunch time and my other best friend gave me a condom for my birthday. This was all well and good, we were all having safe and fun sex and it was like we were in a coming of age Wes Anderson film. However, there was another side to sex .I was having conversations with younger girls who were too scared to go get the pill and didn’t even know how to get it. I had conversations with boys who had never been tested because they couldn’t be bothered or didn’t want to know the results. I learnt about medication that would protect me from HIV that I’d never been told about before; neither had any of the 35 people I asked afterwards. Within the first week of coming to university, I realised it was an issue here too, and there wasn’t really any conversation about it.
SHAG (sexual health and growth) was produced in my first week of university. It started off with me having conversations with girls who I had only just met (sorry I scared you with my sex talk, i’m glad we are friends now) about how many times they masturbated a week, whether they had ever orgasmed and where the nearest sexual health clinic was. I make myself seem like all I talk about is sex and I promise it isn’t, it’s probably because I don’t get laid enough so hit me up. I realised SHAG was important for the University of Bristol students after I heard two girls speaking about sex to each other as I walked in from a lecture. Their door was open and I heard them laughing and comparing stories. I walked past and they stopped me and began saying they wanted to write the conversation up for SHAG. The more conversations I was having with people the more they were learning and the more I was learning. I spent the next few weeks drawing up sketches in my room, spending hours reading about sex in the library and putting up posters around the halls.
SHAG is a website for young adults. Half of shag is a blog created by you. Every month there is a different theme, the first being virginity, where you can anonymously send in artwork of any kind. So far we have received stories, poems, films, illustrations, photographs someone even sent in FUCK YOU, YOU PRICK. I think this is one of the most important elements of SHAG. It is a safe space where you can develop, explore and learn creatively about your own relationship with sex. The other half of SHAG is filled with information on STDs, contraception and masturbation. There is a section called In The Bedroom which addresses issues such as faking orgasms, premature ejaculation and dirty talk.
SHAG aims to create a chilled out environment in which you can laugh, cry and cringe at the wonderful and crazy world of sex. Sex is weird and some people are uncomfortable with it and that’s okay. You have to embrace it though, whether you like it clean and missionary or you are ready to get down and dirty, we want to know, we want to talk about it and we want to SHAG just as much as you.
The next SHAG is coming to you on the 20th November and we are looking for stories on sex and relationships, one night stands, and rants about sex and the media. Remember it’s completely anonymous so no one can see your true colours.
https://iwanttoshag.wixsite.com/blog
Email us at: iwanttoshag@gmail.com
Follow us on instagram at: iwanttoshag