Valentine’s Day: the day where the world is showered with red roses, giant teddy bears, and chocolates; cheesy romance reigns supreme, and sappy love songs play in every shop or restaurant you step into. As much as this holiday can be a lovely celebration, it can be tricky for us single folk to think of it as more than just salt in the wound. It inevitably becomes a point of contention and comparison and, as much as I love seeing all of my friends in their beautiful relationships, it can sting a little knowing that I’m not in the same boat. I’m always tempted to write off Valentine’s Day as just another crappy day where I look on in dismay at couples exhibiting ridiculous levels of PDA, but I think it can, and should, be so much more than that.
As cheesy as it may sound, I think it is so important to think about Valentine’s Day as a celebration of love, not romance. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy at all seeing everyone happy in relationships but, when I think about love – and feeling loved – my first thought is always my friends (even if I do have a partner). To me, love is “I was walking into uni so I brought you a coffee,” or doing your makeup together whilst drinking rosé and jamming out to Taylor Swift. Yes, romantic love is beautiful and special, but there is always so much pressure to find it, so much so that I think we ignore the love that surrounds us in other ways already. I have never felt loved by a partner the way that I do by my friends, and, as much as I don’t need Valentine’s Day to celebrate that, it’s a nice excuse to remind each other. If you have a partner for Valentine’s Day this year, that’s great, but if not, why should it matter?
Practically speaking, a single person’s Valentine’s Day can be tackled, I think, in a number of ways. Firstly, there’s the classic, Bridget Jones-style routine: takeaway and ice cream in bed, bottle of wine in hand, rom-com that makes you cry on your laptop. There is absolutely nothing wrong with leaning into your feelings (in fact I encourage it), and if a sweet treat night calls your name, I could not recommend it enough. Or, if that’s not your style, you could take a leaf out of first-year-me’s book, and go with your single mates on a huge, f***-off night out (I would not suggest, however, having a round of every shot that Wetherspoons offered like we did). And, as much as the Valentine’s cynic in me used to find it a slightly condescending concept, ‘Galentine’s’ may well be your best friend. There are all sorts of events, nights, coffee mornings etc. that you can find if what you need is companionship or distraction.
Whether with ice cream, tequila, coffee, or pretty trinkets and candles from TK Maxx (of which I have a colossal amount), Valentine’s is the perfect time to show yourself some love too. Personally, I make a point of cleaning my room on February 13th, having an everything shower, and buying myself a bunch of flowers. This is almost inevitably followed by completely binning off uni for the day and going to buy an overpriced coffee and brunch somewhere – I’m a firm believer that any occasion should be celebrated with scrambled eggs and copious amounts of caffeine.
There is, and I cannot emphasise this enough, nothing wrong with being on your own on Valentine’s Day. We’re very quick to fill all our time with socialising, work, uni, and anything else we can find, and I think we neglect spending time with ourselves. As the venerable Ru Paul would say: “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Just because you don’t have a partner to buy you gifts or treat you to a nice meal, doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve them; you are not less important on Valentine’s (or any day!) because you’re on your own.
So, if you find yourself single this Valentine’s Day, the main thing I can say is don’t be hard on yourself. Celebrate yourself and your friends, if you want, or shut yourself away from the world if that feels easier. It can be as big or as small as you want it to be (whether you’re single or in a relationship) because, most importantly, Valentine’s Day is just, well, just a day.