Sure, when you were looking at universities, you considered Leeds or Newcastle. Except there was something about moving as far away from home as possible which sort of appealed. Apparently it was warmer in the south too. But when you got here, you realised the true extent of the North-South divide. And as much as you might love your new city, there are certain struggles you’ll almost certainly experience.
1. Everybody is from London, or Brighton (London-on-sea)
Literally approximately 95% of the people you meet are from the same city. And they all slightly seem to know each other? Or at least each other’s school? Or at least know how to do the same handshake / fist bump combo. Up in the North we don’t even always hug our friends – sometimes we do a very specific type of nod.
2. People will make fun of your accent
Yeah, this is exactly how I say mum – and what about it? Actually, where I’m from people would make fun of the way you speak. Your accent doesn’t even make sense: if grass is pronounced grarse then why isn’t maths pronounced marths? I once even heard somebody say parsta, it was shocking to say the least.
3. Losing your accent
After 3 weeks of being surrounded by people who think anything above Cambridge is the north, you’ll start to pick up some of the words. Sure, you’ll never catch yourself having a barth (not that your student accommodation has anything but slightly mouldy showers anyway) but the way you just caught yourself saying ‘bus’ would be mocked by all of your friends from home.
4. London slang
Sure, they can laugh at me calling the evening meal ‘tea’ but their slang is confusing at best. ‘Peak’ feels like it should be something good – the high point, the peak. Until you realise that going to a lecture severely hungover probably isn’t the apex of somebody’s day, actually. And don’t get me started on my bafflement with ‘bait.’
5. People wearing coats on nights out
Having been raised on the ideology that alcohol is the only jacket you’ll ever need, it will be a shock to realise that cloakrooms in clubs down here actually get used. The way people dress down here for a night out is somewhat shocking too: you basically go out in your normal clothes. It’s almost a relief to put the heels away though, even if it’s a bit sad that the 3 hour ‘getting ready’ sessions don’t happen – that was the best part of the night. You’d be there with one eyelash on, trying to comfort somebody about the fact their ex will probably be at the club and you’ve got a whole bottle of wine to neck before you get in the cab. Great times.
Image via Metro
6. Clubs are, like, over 10 pounds sometimes
The realisation at the front of the queue that I was expected to pay to get in was a novelty. A whole 10 whole pounds. Genuinely shocking. And some nights it’s more than that! It just ruins the whole night out energy. Back home, you’d ditch a club if the songs got a bit repetitive – a night out meant about 3 or 4 different places. Here, you’ve got to plan where you’ll go. Hedge all your bets on that one club and hang around in there, even if it’s appalling, until at least 2am. You paid for that. Got to make every minute count.
7. Pints are £5!
Probably the worst part of this list. After paying a small fortune to get in, you go to the bar to get a drink. Except you’ll probably need to go into your overdraft to pay five whole pounds for a pint of lager. You’re basically paying for the glass at that point. Not that I’m advocating stealing pint glasses, but I fully understand anybody who has a whole row on their windowsill.
Image via Unsplash
8. Night out food
Right. You eventually decide that you’re done pretending to enjoy the club you paid £15 entry for and up sticks and leave. You’ve also almost fully sobered up because you refuse to believe that 3 Jaeger bombs for a tenner is a good deal. On the way home you decide to get some food. Sure, there’s chips and cheese. Or a kebab. But where is the gravy? The curry sauce? The south has let you down, once again.
9. Telling all the southerners just how great the north is
The furthest north that my flatmate had been was Cambridge. And he thought it was in the Midlands. Just, stop. All of these people need to come up North and realise that the only carb that matters is potato, that it’s okay to chat to strangers at the bus stop and that the phrase ‘grim up north’ was a lie fabricated to stop you coming up and overcrowding the best and most beautiful places in the country.
Photo via Unsplash
10. Meeting other northerners and instantly becoming best friends
Ah, the sweet sound of an accent that doesn’t conjure up images of the leafy home counties. The gift that is northern society keeps on giving when you meet somebody who is from within a few miles of where you grew up – I even met somebody who I went to Brownies with! And the best part is a shared understanding of how strange it can be to be away from home in a land where people think gravy only goes on a roast and that it’s acceptable to pay over £4 for a lager.